THE WEST WING
6x03 - "THIRD DAY STORY"
WRITTEN BY ELI ATTIE
DIRECTED BY CHRISTOPHER MISIANO

Transcribed by Soundman for www.twiztv.com. Send feedback to
sparticus1611@hotmail.com.

TEASER

FADE IN: EXT. - WHITE HOUSE - DAY

We open on a shot of a black Suburban pulling up to the front door of the
White House.

CUT TO: INT. - SUBURBAN - DAY

Josh, Toby and Will are in the Suburban and they are talking.

JOSH
You think the President should address a joint-session of Congress?

TOBY
On the phone.

JOSH
You think he should address them on the phone?

TOBY
No, I'm on the phone.

They get out of the Suburban and walk into the White House.

TOBY [into phone]
Yeah, Signal, try Mr. McGarry again.

WILL
My fellow Americans, please deposit 50 cents for three more paragraphs.

JOSH
When he comes back from Camp David they're going to have to welcome him back
like a conquering hero.

TOBY [into phone]
No, Operator, if-if-if his battery was dead, it wouldn't... yes, it's
still urgent.

JOSH
I already tried him five times.

TOBY
We're signing a peace support in four hours; his phone should be stapled to
his forehead.

WILL
Maybe he's at Foggy Bottom.

TOBY [into phone]
Yeah, Signal, try Leo McGarry again. Try the Secretary's office at State.

WILL
Peace in our time.

JOSH
All downhill from here.

WILL
So much for savoring the moment.

Josh and Toby are still walking. Margaret comes out of her office and speaks
to them.

MARGARET
The Republican Leadership's in the Roosevelt Room; they've been waiting
20 minutes.

JOSH
Waiting, why?

MARGARET
They have a meeting with Leo. I can't find him anywhere.

TOBY
You can't find him?

She shakes her head. Toby sets his coat down and they walk off.

CUT TO: INT. - ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY

Haffley and Royce are seated at the table when Josh and Toby come in and
sit across from them.

JOSH
Mr. Speaker, Mr. Majority Leader.

TOBY
We're taking this meeting.

JOSH
Leo's got a thing at Foggy Bottom.

HAFFLEY
He's got a thing?

JOSH
Yeah. Who knows why he'd be busy. It's not like we brokered a major peace
deal last night. Don't get me wrong: you guys are doing great work on the
soy-based fuel subsidy.

TOBY
What Josh means is that...

HAFFLEY
Well, maybe he means somebody's got to pay for 20,000 peacekeepers to enforce
your peace deal and the money's not coming out of the soy-based fuel subsidy.

JOSH
Due respect, you never thought we'd get a deal and we did. They're going to
be scraping faces off Mount Rushmore. It's a news roadblock. There's no use
honking your horn.

TOBY
What Josh is trying to say...

HAFFLEY
Enjoy your roadblock, which will last a day, maybe two. Because then the
story goes to Congress, and who's kids are going to serve and who's going
to pay. And I don't have to honk: I'll repave the road.

TOBY
If you called this meeting to talk about...

ROYCE
We called this meeting to talk about a tax cut.

JOSH
A tax cut?

ROYCE
A $300 expansion of the child tax credit.

HAFFLEY
We scheduled this with Leo more than a week ago.

TOBY
Well, now we have a peace to keep.

HAFFLEY
The one you made by appeasing terrorists who are going to come right back
with badly-wired pipe bombs?

JOSH
Hey, I think badly-wired is the good kind.

TOBY
Have you seen the deficit projections? If we do tax cuts on top of peacekeeping
we'll drown in red ink.

ROYCE
You're talking about an open-ended deployment with no exit strategy. We're
giving you a way to grease the skids.

HAFFLEY
Help us pass a tax cut, then we'll vote on peacekeeping.

JOSH
You're trying to derail the peace plan.

ROYCE
We're trying to help families raise their kids. It makes perfect sense
in Peoria.

TOBY
Peoria doesn't have a budget deficit. You expect the President to sign this?

HAFFLEY
And get us 60 Democratic votes in the House. To guarantee passage and make
sure Democrats can't attack us for it later.

CUT TO: INT. - OUTER OVAL OFFICE - DAY

Charlie is on the phone.

CHARLIE [into phone]
Thanks.

He hangs up the phone and walks into the Oval Office. A meeting of some sort
is breaking up. Bartlet and Debbie are talking.

CHARLIE
Signal's still trying to reach Leo.

BARTLET
Thank you. Now let's get a little flow chart going. State calls the foreign
ministers; I call the heads of state; like tag-team wrestling without the
body slams.

DEBBIE
All set to pile-drive Germany, sir.

She hands him a folder and walks out as Josh and Leo are walking in.

BARTLET
Thank you. I want to round up as much international support as we can before
the 2:00 peace signing. The minute the peace plan gets through the Hamas
leadership, the Knesset is going to take...

JOSH
We have a problem with our own leadership, sir.

TOBY
Republicans want a tax cut before they vote on peacekeeping.

JOSH
I'm surprised they didn't wear ski masks and ask for it in a brown paper bag.

TOBY
Apparently, Leo knew about this.

BARTLET
Okay.

TOBY
We haven't been able to reach him.

JOSH
We need this vote, sir. If it means choking down a tax credit...

TOBY
I think we should wait for Leo.

Charlie comes back into the room with a few Secret Service guys and Debbie.

BARTLET
What is it?

CHARLIE
Barrack security found Leo in the woods at Camp David. They think it's a
massive heart attack. They're flying him to Bethesda Naval right now.

SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER.
* * *

ACT ONE

FADE IN: INT. - OVAL OFFICE - DAY

Bartlet, Abbey, Toby, Josh, C.J., Charlie, and a Secret Service agent are
walking out of the Oval Office toward the motorcade that will take them to
the hospital.

ABBEY
He was unconscious for a long time. It's a miracle he has brain function. Every
minute damages the heart muscle more.

C.J.
What kind of damage?

ABBEY
They don't know yet.

TOBY
Will they operate?

ABBEY
They don't know yet.

BARTLET
These are supposed to be the best thoracic surgeons in the world: what the
hell do they know?

ABBEY
That time is muscle, Jed. They're going to do everything they can.

They have walked outside and they stop at the limo.

ABBEY
Look, there's no point in everyone going. He's going to be out for
hours. Charlie can call back with any updates.

She gets in and Charlie comes around to the other side to get in.

JOSH
Should we be thinking about postponing the peace signing?

BARTLET
No, I'll be back in time.

TOBY
Should we work out some kind of...?

BARTLET
A quick vote on peacekeeping and a big show of international support. A
security council resolution would be ideal.

He gets in and the limo pulls off.

CUT TO: INT. - LIMO - DAY

We see Bartlet and Abbey sitting next to each other in the limo. Bartlet
takes Abbey's hand. He looks concerned.

CUT TO: INT. - HOSPITAL - DAY

Leo is being wheeled down the hall by a doctor and two nurses. They get into
the elevator and the doctor talks to Leo. We see that he looks very bad and
he is breathing heavily into the oxygen mask that is on his face.

CUT TO: INT. - JOSH'S OFFICE - DAY

Josh, Toby, and C.J. are in Josh's office and they are talking about the
situation.

C.J.
We should be at the hospital.

TOBY
Yeah.

JOSH
You know, he looked pale last night. I just thought it was a White House tan.

TOBY
Can we never use that expression again?

JOSH
He should have paced himself more. You know, this isn't a guy who treats
his body like a temple.

Josh has gotten a doughnut and has walked back into his office. C.J. sees
him and grabs the doughnut from him.

TOBY
All right, no Leo. We'll be lucky to get the President back for the bill
signing. Let's get organized.

C.J.
The NSC's handling the signing ceremony.

JOSH
Uh, remarks are done. Legislative Affairs is making notification calls.

C.J.
Carol says you're having an inter-agency meeting on homelessness and mental
health?

TOBY
I was.

C.J.
That's a good idea.

TOBY
I pushed it back. Look, we're in the middle of an intersection without a
traffic cop. If we want, we can run things through me.

JOSH
If we want?

TOBY
I'm talking about a process.

JOSH
And if we want to sacrifice livestock in your name?

TOBY
Fine. A decision-making tree.

C.J.
How about you be the Communications director, you be the Deputy Chief of
Staff; we can use the old barn for a stage. How do I tell the press about Leo?

JOSH
Just put out a statement. There's too much we can't answer.

C.J.
Yeah.

TOBY
What matters most in the next 72 hours, is showing that the peace accord
can hold; in other words...

JOSH & TOBY [together]
A tax cut.

C.J.
Are we free associating?

JOSH
The leadership wants 60 Democratic votes for a tax cut.

TOBY
Or a no-vote on peacekeeping.

JOSH
Which makes it hard to build a coalition.

TOBY
And scrape faces off Mount Rushmore.

JOSH
But it makes perfect sense in Peoria.

C.J.
And here we are, far from Peoria and far from making any sense. I'll put
out that statement.

She walks out.

JOSH
Okay, start with ranking Democrats on Ways and Means. They can deliver 30,
40 votes right off the bat.

TOBY
No specifics, okay? We're just jacking up a tax credit that's already on
the books.

He turns to leave.

CUT TO: INT. - C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY

C.J. is walking into her office and she is talking to Carol.

C.J.
Carol, call State. Let's try to get statements endorsing the peace plan from
every member of the UN Security Council. If we get them all it could make
a Security Council resolution seem like a done deal.

CAROL
We've already got Germany, Japan, and Bulgaria. State's sending them as they
get them.

C.J.
Great.

Toby walks in.

TOBY
You might want to start gathering statements from Security Council members;
build momentum toward that resolution. We can tell the President it was
your idea.

C.J.
Thanks.

Toby walks off. Josh walks up while putting on a clean shirt over an
undershirt.

JOSH
Hey, why don't you work with State? Bundle together any statements from
members of the Security Council. I've got your back on this.

C.J.
My back is your back.

He leaves.

C.J.
This day is going to be an absolute nightmare.

CUT TO: INT. - WAITING ROOM - HOSPITAL - DAY

Bartlet and Charlie are talking in the background as we see Abbey talking
to a man whose nametag reads DR. HARDIN. She is looking at Leo's chart.

ABBEY
What were the indications for a bypass as opposed to a PTCA?

DR. HARDIN
Lesions too extensive. He was in profound cardiogenic shock.

ABBEY
Can you siphon his graphs?

HARDIN
Internal memory isn't viable.

ABBEY
How long till he's off the pump?

HARDIN
Three hours, maybe more.

ABBEY
Three hours?

Bartlet walks up.

HARDIN
Yeah. He was down a long time.

BARTLET
Time being muscle.

HARDIN
Yes, sir. I'll come back when I have more.

ABBEY
Thank you.

He walks off.

CUT TO: INT. - JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY

Josh is walking out of his office when he spots C.J. and Carol working at
one of the cubicles.

JOSH
Hey. I'm going to be gone for about an hour. Call me if you hear anything.

C.J.
State's already got draft language for a Security Council resolution.

JOSH
Yeah. I heard Russia's on board.

C.J.
Indonesia's threatening to vote against it Turkmenistan is banging on cans
for no reason I can fathom.

JOSH

Don't comment on Turkmenistan. Don't even say the name.

C.J.
Why not?

JOSH
Their President is loony-tunes. He created a holiday for his favorite melon.

C.J.
Holiday for a melon?

JOSH
He mandated that the Turkmen people gnaw on bones like dogs to strengthen
their teeth. He's nuts.

C.J.
Well, he's got a Security Council vote as a chew toy. Turkmenistan's taking
it's turn as a rotating member.

JOSH
Ignore him. He'll fall in line.

C.J.
Where are you going?

JOSH
To meet Donna's plane at Andrews.

C.J.
Anyone who says these jobs don't come with a cost...

JOSH
Yeah.

He begins to walk away and grabs a doughnut off of C.J.'s table. He begins
to eat it.

C.J.
Look at you.

JOSH
What?

C.J.
Leo is having his chest cracked open and all morning you've been heading
for a high-fructose coma.

JOSH
I just eat this stuff when it's lying around.

C.J.
Which is all the time. You know what, do me a favor, 'cause I'd like to see
you live past the age of twelve. Stay off junk for the rest of the week; see
if you can survive on, you know, food and I'll cook you dinner this weekend.

JOSH
Wearing an apron and one of those floppy hats?

C.J.
Wearing anything you like.

He raises his eyebrows.

C.J.
I mean... You know perfectly well what I mean.

JOSH
You're on.

She grabs her trash can and holds it up for Josh to throw the doughnut in
it. He does.

JOSH
Piece of cake.

CUT TO: INT. - WAITING ROOM - DAY

Bartlet and Abbey are seated at a table watching a news report about the
peace signing. Bartlet is reading some things from a folder.

REPORTER [on TV]
According to excerpts made available by the White House, the President will
declare that peace, so long within our sight, is now within our grasp. Many
believed the Camp David summit was a fool's errand to begin with, until...

ABBEY
Stress actually restricts the flow of blood through the coronary arteries.

He puts his folder down.

ABBEY
What I'm saying is it's physiological. Unless you wanted him meditating
his way through intelligence briefings and sleeping in a flotation tank,
there's nothing you did...

BARTLET
I fired him.

ABBEY
What?

BARTLET
Last night at Camp David, I fired him. What does that do to the flow of blood?

CUT TO: INT. - OPERATING ROOM - DAY

We see the team of doctors and nurses operating on Leo. There are at least
15 people in the room, with five or six crowded around Leo. We pan up to
see his face as they are operating on him.

FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE.
* * *

ACT TWO

FADE IN: INT. - TOBY'S OFFICE - DAY

Toby is outside his office talking to one of the workers. Congressman Borden
is in Toby's office.

TOBY
POTUS can't do this at 3:00. He's got to do IC principles before he goes
back to the hospital. And push my homelessness meeting to tomorrow.

He walks into his office. Borden sits down.

CONGRESSMAN BORDEN
The President did a great thing at Camp David.

TOBY
Yeah.

BORDEN
Any news on Leo?

TOBY
They're trying to stabilize his pressure.

BORDEN
And what does that mean, exactly?

TOBY
No idea, but I wish they'd do it to me. Congressman, I know you've got a
big block of Democratic votes on Ways and Means and you probably think the
timing of this Child Tax credit is a bit silly.

BORDEN
I don't think it's silly in the least. We're asking our constituents to
support a huge troop deployment; we ought to give them something first.

TOBY
How's $300?

BORDEN
Sold.

TOBY
Free wrapping at the counter. As many Democrats as you can deliver; we'll
release the names today.

BORDEN
How many children will be eligible for this expanded tax credit?

TOBY
Same as the current tax code: income phase out at 110k.

BORDEN
No, how many children per family?

TOBY
How many you got?

BORDEN
The deficit hawks are talking about capping the number of eligible
kids. Promise me we won't.

TOBY
We'll leave that to Congress.

BORDEN
And what does the President say to the parents who are on their seventh,
eighth child?

TOBY
"Try renting a movie sometime."?

BORDEN
The Republicans will say any disincentive to have kids is two steps short
of government-ordered abortion. You want us to look anti-family?

CUT TO: INT. - ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY

Josh is meeting with Congressman Brigg and Congressman Lackey. There is a
plate of brownies in front of him.

CONGRESSMAN BRIGG
It's crazy when we're going to need 50, 60 billion for peacekeeping.

CONGRESSMAN LACKEY
Just crazy.

JOSH
I agree, Congressman, but the Leadership isn't going to authorize peacekeeping
without something to grease the skids.

BRIGG
Fine. Just go easy on the grease.

LACKEY
Not too much grease.

JOSH
We've already got an income cut-off. What more can we do?

BRIGG
Put a cap on the number of kids per family at three or four.

JOSH
Congressman, only a tiny fraction of families has more than four kids.

BRIGG
It sends a message about social responsibility as well as fiscal.

LACKEY
Social and fiscal.

JOSH
We prefer to leave the details to Congress.

BRIGG
Peacekeeping is going to explode the deficit. We should subsidize every Rube
Goldberg's reproductive glands?

CUT TO: INT. - HALLWAY - WHITE HOUSE - DAY

C.J. and Carol are walking and talking.

C.J.
They're opening the Columbia checkpoint in Jerusalem. I'll need more on
that. And check in with the hospital again.

CAROL
They started the bypass. We won't know anything for a couple of hours.

C.J.
Just make sure they haven't had a power outage. What's next?

CAROL
You've got a few minutes before NSA. Josh is in with House Democrats if you
want to sit in.

C.J.
No, I'm fine.

They pass the Roosevelt Room. C.J. stops and goes back. She comes to the
doorway and we see that Josh has a brownie on a plate and is about to start
eating it. When he sees the look she gives him, he pushes the plate away
and stands. She walks away. As she and Carol come to the next door, she
turns and goes back to the Roosevelt Room. Josh is still standing and he
has another plate in his hand with another brownie on it. When C.J. comes
to the door he sets it down in front of Brigg. C.J. walks in and picks up
the tray with the brownies on it.

C.J.
Excuse me, Congressmen, it's just the Josh is diabetic and I haven't had
any lunch.

She walks away and takes the tray with her.

CUT TO: INT. - OUTER OVAL OFFICE - DAY

Toby walks into the office. Charlie is at his desk.

TOBY
Anything new?

CHARLIE
The damage is pretty severe. They had to restart his heart when they took
off the clamp.

TOBY
I need to see the President before he goes back to the hospital.

CHARLIE
He's in with Will.

TOBY
Why's he in with Will?

CHARLIE
He wanted to see Will.

TOBY
Well, I want to see him.

CHARLIE
I'll try. He won't be here long.

Toby scoffs.

TOBY
I heard you finished your courses. You're done at Georgetown?

CHARLIE
I've still got some requirements.

TOBY
Besides courses?

CHARLIE
A swim test, stuff like that.

TOBY
Oh. Well, let me know when Will paddles back to the shallow end.

He leaves.

CUT TO: INT. - C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY

C.J. is talking with Chris, Greg Brock, and Bruce.

CHRIS
Syria wishes the Golan Heights had been on the table.


C.J.
And Holland wishes little rounds of gouda had been on the table; life's full
of disappointments.

BRUCE
My sources say Congressional leaders have concerns about the peace plan.

C.J.
Well my sources, the major networks, have been trashing it for days, so I
can't say that's a surprise, but we're working with them now.

CHRIS
Any word on Leo?

C.J.
Still in surgery. That's all I have.

CHRIS
Thanks.

Chris and Bruce get up and leave. Brock stays in his seat.

BROCK
So, is it going to be Josh or Toby?

C.J.
What?

BROCK
The new White House Chief of Staff.

C.J.
"Gee, C.J., I'm sorry your boss and dear friend is sprawled across an
operating table having his veins harvested but I do think it's kind of neat
the President single-handedly forged major peace deal. Why don't I write
about it until my typewriter's tangled up in ribbon?"

BROCK
All done?

C.J.
Unless I'm playing both parts, yes.

BROCK
"Well, jeepers Brock, you care about Leo too but there's a power vacuum here
and your editors don't take puff pieces and you haven't owned a typewriter
since the Coolidge administration."

C.J.
I would never say "jeepers."

BROCK
Would too.

C.J.
Would not.

BROCK
Would too.

C.J.
Would not, and we're riding one of the best press waves of this Presidency. The
words "Nobel Peace Prize" were in two separate wire stories so I don't have
to play your game of inside baseball today.

BROCK
What's Leo's prognosis?

C.J.
Good.

BROCK
In the middle of a bypass you have no way of knowing that.

C.J.
Then why'd you ask?

BROCK
Because we're talking about the virtual co-President and you can't tell me
who's running the place in his absence.

C.J.
The President's running it.

BROCK
How many hours did he spend at the hospital this morning? He's cleared his
afternoon schedule; does that mean he's going back?

C.J.
The Israeli and Palestinian delegations are at Andrews. The President's
finished his public schedule.

BROCK
C.J., I can hold off my editors for a day, maybe two. But pretty soon we're
going to have to know who's filling his shoes.

He leaves.

CUT TO: INT. - OVAL OFFICE - DAY

Bartlet is on the phone. Debbie comes in with some things in her hands.

BARTLET [into phone]
Don't worry, Mr. Prime Minister. Congress is going to schedule a vote. ... Yes,
sir. ... I appreciate your help. Thank you.

He hangs up the phone.

BARTLET
I'll do the rest of these from Bethesda. You sure I can skip the reception?

DEBBIE
The delegations are gone; NSC says it's fine.

BARTLET
Okay.

DEBBIE
Sir, I've never been prouder to work here than this afternoon when the
Chairman and the Prime Minister shook hands, and you...

BARTLET
Watched them shake hands?

DEBBIE
Leo would be proud, too; will be proud.

BARTLET
He had his reservations about all this.

DEBBIE
Well, I'm not saying it won't all blow up in your face.

Josh comes in from Leo's office.

JOSH
Sir?

DEBBIE
I'll pack up everything and meet you at the hospital.

BARTLET
Okay.

She leaves.

JOSH
Anything from...?

BARTLET
No.

JOSH
This tax bill we're working on for the leadership...

BARTLET
Just get us a vote on peacekeeping.

JOSH
Some of the deficit hawks want us to cap the number of kids. I'm thinking
four, but then, you stopped at three, probably a barrel full.

BARTLET
Let me know when you get a vote.

He heads toward the door.

JOSH
You know if you want someone working out of Leo's office... just shout if
you need anything.

He walks out the door.

JOSH
I'll let you know when we've got a vote.

BARTLET
Thank you.

He leaves Josh standing in the Oval Office.

CUT TO: INT. - TOBY'S OFFICE - DAY

We see Toby walk into the Communications office and into his office. Will
and C.J. are there waiting for him.

TOBY
How was your meeting with the President?

WILL
He asked me to pitch in.

TOBY
I'm surprised you didn't pitch a tent.

C.J.
Can we do some business before we head to the hospital? Lebanon's come out
against the accord. Now France may oppose the Security Council Resolution
until Congress acts. They don't want to get stuck doing all the peacekeeping.

WILL
The President of Turkmenistan is saying he flipped Lebanon.

Josh walks in.

JOSH
He's lying. We should throw an elbow. This is some nutbag, dictator of the
week begging for surplus rutabagas.

C.J.
And you, my friend, are a bounder and a cheat.

JOSH
You tried to entrap me with those brownies.

C.J.
I didn't put those there, but if you want traps, mine have metal jaws.

TOBY
The President wants a unanimous Security Council vote, we've lost three
countries in the last hour, and both our diplomatic heavies are in the
cardiac ward.

JOSH
So we tell State to lean on France. Slap a tariff on baguettes. Squeeze them
with everything we've got.

They all agree.

JOSH
Except the Secretary's not returning my calls.

C.J.
You, too? Do we have 60 votes on this tax cut? Some Congressional action
would really help.

TOBY
I got 23.

JOSH
I got 27, plus the whip's making calls. I'll get us help.

TOBY
I had to promise not to cap the number of kids as if anyone in their right
mind would want to.

JOSH
Cap it at 4; I just told the deficit hawks we would.

TOBY
You weren't supposed to negotiate specifics.

JOSH
And you were?

TOBY
No cap doesn't count as a specific. When did we become the Chinese population
bureau?

JOSH
I forgot this was the free love clinic. Let me go get my caftan.

TOBY
There'd better be 27 votes...

C.J.
Okay, what if we get Treasury to crank out a quick estimate? This cap might
not save much anyway. Maybe Josh can roll back his 27 without losing your 23.

JOSH
I'll call the Office of Tax Analysis at Treasury.

WILL
And you'd better look for more votes in case that doesn't work.

TOBY
Leo's office got meeting requests from a couple of backbenchers.

JOSH
Well, call them off the bench and find more benches.

WILL
What about Turkmenistan?

JOSH
It's a nation of Labradors run by Zeppo Marx. Can we please stop talking
about Turkmenistan?

CUT TO: INT. - WAITING ROOM - HOSPITAL - DAY

Margaret is seated on a couch doing work on a laptop. Abbey and Bartlet are
standing, watching the news on a TV.

BARTLET
Five hours he's been on the pump; you blanched at three.

ABBEY
What can I say? Five is more than three.

BARTLET
I don't want you to sugarcoat this.

ABBEY
If I knew how, I would.

Toby, Josh, Will, and C.J. come in.

TOBY
Mr. President, Mrs. Bartlet.

ABBEY
Toby.

BARTLET
We're still waiting.

WILL
Mallory told us downstairs.

TOBY
Sir, may I have a moment of your time?

He nods and they walk into the hallway. We follow them.

TOBY
About tomorrow's schedule...

BARTLET
I'm staying here.

TOBY
All day?

BARTLET
I don't know, Toby. There are a few variables floating around.

TOBY
Sir, you have to name an interim Chief of Staff.

BARTLET
Leo is my interim Chief of Staff.

TOBY
For two days, for two weeks, especially if he's...

BARTLET
He's been in surgery for five hours. You want to walk in and take his car keys?

TOBY
No, sir. And I care about his surgery but we're fumbling the tax bill; our
diplomatic strategy is a game of telephone; and these are the things we're
spending time on.

BARTLET
Raid the cupboards. We're doing fine.

TOBY
Today, sure. And the second-day story is how you pulled it off. But the
third-day story is that Congress doesn't want to pay, that our coalition's
fraying, that the spokes are coming off the wheels...

BARTLET
It's a couple of days. This was totally unexpected.

TOBY
No, it wasn't. Not with Leo's history with alcohol, with pills. Mr. President,
surely you had a process in place.

BARTLET
Not for this and I'm not having this conversation here. You think we'd even
be doing this without him?

TOBY
No, sir, but Leo is one person and there's 290 million more and they come
first.

Abbey comes from the waiting room to talk to them.

ABBEY
They finished the bypass. His heart won't function without the
machines. They'll try again in a few hours. We have to talk to Mallory about
options in case that doesn't work.

BARTLET
Anything else?

TOBY
No, sir.

Toby walks away.

FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO.
* * *

ACT THREE

FADE IN: INT. - LOBBY - WHITE HOUSE - DAY

Josh is wheeling Donna into the building.

JOSH
The surgery went well but his heart still won't beat on it's own.

DONNA
So he's 1 for 2?

JOSH
Yeah, 1 for 2.

WORKER
Welcome home, Donna.

DONNA
Hi. You shouldn't wheel me around like this.

JOSH
I want to wheel you around.

DONNA
I feel like one of those Soviet Premiers who's secretly been dead for
ten years.

JOSH
Your speeches to the common-term have been a little flat lately.

They pass C.J.'s office and she comes out to give her a hug as she goes by.

C.J.
Donna! Hi.

DONNA
Hi.

C.J.
I've got CEA. I wish I could... it's so great to have you back. [to Josh]
You're weak and you know you're weak.

JOSH
Belly up to the griddle, Griselda.

DONNA
Are we opening a restaurant?

JOSH
C.J.'s trying to trap me and she's going down like a cheap pair of salad tongs.

DONNA
I'm not sure I follow.

JOSH
I'll explain later. Wait here a second, I've got to get this. Don't go
anywhere.

He parks her in front of her cubicle and goes into his office to answer the
ringing phone.

CUT TO: INT. - HAFFLEY'S OFFICE - DAY

Toby is meeting with Haffley. They sit at his desk.

TOBY
Mr. Speaker, the President's not looking to muscle you. That's why I'm here
and not Josh.

HAFFLEY
Okay.

TOBY
We almost had the 60 Democrats and then half of them wanted a cap on the
number of kids. The other half didn't; things fell apart.

HAFFLEY
There's other Democrats out there.

TOBY
And we're looking to take those meetings and hold on to the ones we have,
but the President's hoping Congress can vote on peacekeeping first. I'm here
to sweeten the deal: a $400 tax credit.

Haffley's intercom beeps. He picks up the phone receiver.

HAFFLEY
Yes. ... Sure. I'll put him on speakerphone.

He hangs up the receiver and turns the speakerphone on.

HAFFLEY
Hello?

JOSH [VO]
Mr. Speaker, the President's going postal over this tax credit. We practically
had to peel him off the ceiling.

CUT TO: INT. - JOSH'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Josh is on the phone with Haffley.

JOSH [cont.]
Now I may be able to talk him down, but you're going to have to move on
peacekeeping now.

CUT TO: INT. - HAFFLEY'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

TOBY
Josh.

CUT TO: INT. - JOSH'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

JOSH
Toby?

CUT TO: INT. - HAFFLEY'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

TOBY
Hi.

JOSH [VO]
If you want to get back to...

TOBY
Sweetening the deal?

JOSH [VO]
Did I mention it's a very low ceiling?

HAFFLEY
Allow me to speak for my own ceiling: 60 Democrats or no vote on
peacekeeping. I've got a Quorum Call.

He gets up to leave.

HAFFLEY
But I'm oh, so happy, I could bring you two together. Bye-bye, Josh, Toby.

He leaves.

JOSH [VO]
Okay, the thing about good cop-bad cop, it usually helps...

Toby hits the button to hang up the phone.

CUT TO: INT. - JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY

Donna is seated at her desk. Josh walks out of his office to talk to her.

JOSH
I need to know when Toby's back from the Hill. He's trying to anoint himself
Lord of the Flies.

He walks back to the door of his office. He turns and goes back to Donna's
desk.

JOSH
And, uh, get me the Democratic whip.

He turns to go back to his office.

DONNA
You know, there's an intercom.

JOSH
Oh, and, Donna...

After entering his office, he turns to go back to Donna. A butler carrying
a tray of doughnuts runs into him and drops the doughnuts down Josh's shirt,
leaving jelly and frosting stains on his shirt.

DONNA
You really should use the intercom.

CUT TO: INT. - HALLWAY - WHITE HOUSE - DAY

C.J. is walking and Brock catches up to her.

BROCK
C.J.! I hate to take your time with this.

C.J.
"What do you think my time is for, big boy?"

BROCK
Don't do that, because now I've got to do my lousy Carey Grant and you end
up stealing the scene anyway.

C.J.
What do you need?

BROCK
Who's the new White House Chief of Staff?

C.J.
I'll tell you about him. His name's Leo McGarry, he comes out of Chicago. An
unconventional choice, sure, but...

BROCK
I thought we were off the '30s comedy.

C.J.
Leo just got out of the bypass. In a few more hours he could be out of
the woods.

They walk into her office.

BROCK

Hmm, then I guess these woods don't include incisional pain, chronic pain,
swelling in both legs because they took grafts from both. I guess they don't
include mood swings, loss of short-term memory, loss of blood supply. Because
if they do, Leo won't be out of them for three or four months, and I have
to ask who's the new White House Chief of Staff?

C.J.
You know so much, you tell me.

BROCK
I'm hearing Will Bailey.

C.J.
Then you should have your hearing checked.

BROCK
He had a one-on-one with the President yesterday, first time all year. He
knows the military, which Josh and Toby don't.

C.J.
First of all, it's Leo. Second, Josh and Toby know every inch of the
government: military, industrial, animal, mineral.

BROCK
Lots of folks can manage down; Will's proven he can manage up; a fully-fledged
adult.

She has picked up the phone. Josh walks in, carrying the tray with just a
few doughnuts still on it. He is almost yelling.

C.J.
Again, it's Leo, but Josh and Toby are...

JOSH
You can throw me in a vat of custard with a chocolate-covered snorkel.

He drops the tray onto her desk.

JOSH [cont.]
It's going to be you and me this weekend, and you are wearing a floppy hat!

He walks out. C.J. and Brock look stunned.

CUT TO: INT. - CONGRESS BUILDING - DAY

Toby is walking and talking with Congresswoman Link.

TOBY
Congresswoman, thanks for seeing me. I'm doing back-to-back meetings while
I'm on the Hill.

CONGRESSWOMAN LINK
Well thanks for seeing me.

TOBY
Obviously, Leo's out of commission.

LINK
I hope he's doing okay.

TOBY
Thank you. We're going to need your help on this tax bill; harder than we
thought to get 60 votes in two days.

LINK
Well, I'd like to amend it; to appoint a monarch for the United States
of America.

Toby laughs.

LINK
Oh, I'm serious.

She opens the organizer she has in her hand and pulls out a folder with some
papers in it for Toby to read.

TOBY
What are these?

LINK
The President's public schedules for the last four months. I've calculated
that he spends 53.7% of his time on ribbon cuttings and overseas tea
ceremonies. Which may be why, on his trip to Argentina, he went to three state
banquets and didn't do a damn thing for the pork producers in my state of Iowa.

TOBY
He can't, this is a...

LINK
If we don't get tax relief in this bill, I'm calling for a monarch: someone
to do the glad-handing and the ceremonial fluff so maybe the President will
help people here at home.

TOBY
For a Democrat to do this, we're going to look like buffoons.

LINK
I know the argument: the staff runs the show while the President's off
dedicating supermarkets. All due respect, no one elected Leo and no one
elected you.

She walks off. Toby laughs.

CUT TO: INT. - ROOSEVELT ROOM - DAY

Josh walks into the room and Congressman Benoit is waiting.

JOSH
Sorry I'm late, Congressman. I'm sure Leo'd want to be here himself.

BENOIT
I'm sure.

JOSH
A few snags with the tax bill.

BENOIT
So I gather.

JOSH
The truth is we could use your vote.

BENOIT
I'm surprised your Justice Department hasn't filed a single amicus brief in
the Oregon or Massachusetts gay marriage cases.

Josh sits down.

JOSH
We've debated this a lot. You know how dicey it is for the party.

BENOIT
I do.

JOSH
We're headed into a Presidential election year.

BENOIT
We are.

JOSH
We can't get too far ahead of public opinion as much as we'd like to.

BENOIT
That's why I'd like to help, by introducing a bill to ban marriage.

JOSH
That's an interesting idea: we drop a bill to ban gay marriage, tag a few
moderate Republicans as intolerant, but trust me, it hurts our moderates 50
times more.

BENOIT
My bill bans all marriage.

JOSH
All, as in...?

BENOIT
If the government can't make it available to everyone, I want us out of
the business entirely. Leave it to churches and synagogues, and, of course,
casinos and department stores.

Josh laughs.

JOSH
Did the RNC put you up to this?

BENOIT
They don't condone my lifestyle, and I don't condone theirs.

CUT TO: INT. - JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY

Josh walks in.

JOSH
The Democratic Leadership...

DONNA
What about them?

JOSH
Did they call to warn me that Benoit wants to ban marriage?

DONNA
Ban marriage?

JOSH
If we won't support gay marriage, he wants the government out of it entirely.

DONNA
Who takes an idea like that seriously?

JOSH
It's a direct-mail bonanza for the other side. Even a fringe bill to ban
marriage, they'll be reenacting Caligula at the Republican National Convention.

DONNA
You'd look cute in a toga and a dog collar.

JOSH
Thank you.

DONNA
C.J. says China's drawing the opposition to a Security Counsel vote until
Congress acts.

JOSH
Why isn't the State department cracking heads?

DONNA
And the President of Turkmenistan told AP he knows of six other wavering votes.

JOSH
No, he doesn't! He's making that up! We need a coalition. We're being mugged
by a melon-worshipper.

A delivery girl walks up with two boxes of pizza.

DELIVERY GIRL
Excuse me. This is for Mr. Lyman from the Southwest Gate, from Ms. Cregg.

JOSH
Probably stuck me with the bill, too. Thank you.

He takes them.

DONNA
Send it to the President of Turkmenistan.

Josh looks as though she has had quite an idea.

CUT TO: INT. - WAITING ROOM - HOSPITAL - DAY

We see Debbie on a cell phone. Abbey is seated in one of the chairs. Bartlet
is on the phone.

BARTLET
The Speaker was never for this deal. A Security Council resolution would
prod him. What sense does it make to wait? ... Thank you, Madame President.

He hangs up.

DEBBIE
Charlie's bringing a change of clothes and a fresh batch of call sheets.

Abbey stands.

ABBEY
Tell him to leave them at the White House.

BARTLET
I'm staying here.

ABBEY
Tell him to leave them at the White House.

Debbie walks off.

BARTLET
I can do this from here. The way they wire up these things, I could do it
from a cardboard box in Lafayette Park.

ABBEY
You think this is your fault? It's not.

BARTLET
He's my best friend. I'm not the kind of person who has best friends.

ABBEY
Because your life is your work, and so is his; your work.

BARTLET
What are you trying to say?

ABBEY
You chose this; both of you. You're running a country, for God's sake,
not a tree house.

BARTLET
Well, Leo stays in the tree house if he wants to. We'll work around his
recovery; half-days, whatever it takes.

ABBEY
He's not going to work half days. He's not going to work around his
recovery. He's not going to do whatever it takes.

BARTLET
That's his decision.

ABBEY
And we know what that decision is going to be.

BARTLET
So I should wake him up and fire him again? Because it worked so well the
first time?

ABBEY
Let's talk about this time. You've got to keep him out of that job. He'll
kill himself for you if you don't.

He sits down in one of the chairs.

BARTLET
Debbie, I'm ready for my next call.

FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE.
* * *

ACT FOUR

FADE IN: INT. - C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY

C.J. rushes into her office and speaks to Carol as she goes.

C.J.
I'm late for an economic briefing.

CAROL
It just started.

C.J.
England, Iceland, Spain, and Canada have all pledged troops for
peacekeeping. DOD called me in the car.

CAROL
That's great, but there's something else.

C.J.
Does Canada even have troops? What do they do, try those little bottles of
maple syrup? Put out a press release.

She has gathered her things and is about to walk back out.

CAROL
C.J.

C.J.
Something else; what?

CAROL
Leo's heart's beating on its own. He's still critical, but he's off the
heart and lung machine.

She smiles.

C.J.
I'm late for an economic briefing.

She leaves.

CUT TO: INT. - JOSH'S OFFICE - DAY

Josh walks into his office. Donna is in her wheelchair in front of his desk.

DONNA
Leo's off the pump.

JOSH
I heard.

He walks over to his desk and grabs a small gift box out of one of the
drawers. He walks over to Donna and shows her the box.

DONNA
What's this?

He opens it.

JOSH
A pen.

DONNA
Am I having a bar mitzvah?

JOSH
It's from the peace signing. The Prime Minister used it to sign the "H"
in his name. I tried to get the Z. The Israeli ambassador gave it to me.

He gives her the box.

DONNA
I didn't have anything to do with the peace agreement.

JOSH
Let's just say you were a blood donor. I'm going to stop taking those for
granted.

DONNA
Thank you.

She closes the box and puts it away.

DONNA
Why's the Treasury Secretary on TV?

JOSH
She's probably spinning the peace deal. C.J.'s rolling out Cabinet
heavyweights. We've got to loop her on that tax cut, actually.

He sits on the edge of his desk and turns the volume up.

TREASURY SECRETARY KAREN BROWNING [on TV]
I believe so, Steve. I'm hopeful. So is the President.

REPORTER [on TV]
There are rumors circulating on Capitol Hill about a new tax cut proposal
before the administration. Some believe it's a way to buy support for a
tough peacekeeping mission.

BROWNING
That's unfounded, Steve. The Treasury did an estimate on the cost of tax
cuts on top of peacekeeping. It would substantially increase the deficit
and I can guarantee the President won't sign it.

Josh stands and rushes out of his office. He rushes into the lobby, where
Toby is coming out of the hallway from his office.

TOBY
The Treasury estimate...

JOSH
Did you see it?

TOBY
No. Did you?

JOSH
The Treasury Secretary did.

TOBY
Yeah.

JOSH
She looked pretty upset.

TOBY
Upset? Pretty.

JOSH
Maybe we should have looped her in sooner.

TOBY
Or ever?

JOSH
Yeah, that too.

C.J. walks up.

C.J.
So when I suggested a Treasury estimate, I guess I assumed we told the Treasury
Secretary, head of all federal tax policy, what in Alexander Hamilton's name
we were doing.

TOBY
Good assumption, though.

C.J.
I'll call the press office, see if we can roll this back.

She walks off.

TOBY
The tax cut just got more expensive. I had to give incentives to pork
producers to avoid a little PR problem.

JOSH
You didn't?

TOBY
What?

JOSH
I promised we wouldn't back any amendments so Benoit wouldn't do something
I don't want to go into right now.

TOBY
You weren't supposed to negotiate specifics.

JOSH
I thought "no specifics" wasn't a specific. You made these stupid rules.

TOBY
And if I was the only one to break them...

JOSH
What kind of double standard is that?

TOBY
Find a standard, I'll let you know if it's been doubled.

JOSH
So you just want to run this off the top of your head?

TOBY
I want to run it off something, anything; a decision-making tree.

JOSH
With you at the top.

TOBY
No! With you at the top.

JOSH
Me?

TOBY
Till Leo gets back, I tried to tell the President to give you the job.
He seems to want us topless for now.

JOSH
You wanted me at the top?

TOBY
For two days I've been trying to hold a meeting: one lousy kickoff meeting
on homelessness and mental health.

JOSH
That's the best idea you've had for months.

TOBY
It was Leo's. He didn't want the urgent to crowd out the important.

JOSH
It's getting harder to tell the difference.

TOBY
Well, someone ought to try.

CUT TO: INT. - C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY

C.J. is at her desk. She is watching Haffley, who is talking to the press. Will
is standing at her desk, watching with her.

HAFFLEY [on TV]
We can't just rush in with billy clubs. Hamas and other terrorist groups
will have to stand down first. So, yes, we're in discussions with the
administration and I hope to have more to say on a possible U.S. military
deployment very soon.

She switches the TV off.

C.J.
Possible role?


WILL
Still, coverage today was extraordinary.

C.J.
It's that little burst of warmth before you freeze to death.

WILL
It's a bit drafty in here, actually.

C.J.
Shut the door.

He does.

C.J.
Your meeting with the President, yesterday; I'm getting questions, if there's
anything you want to tell me.

WILL
He wanted thoughts on NATO's role in peacekeeping.

C.J.
NATO; Belgium, Bulgaria, Canada, Denmark, Westonia... Well heavens to
[something].

WILL
What?

C.J.
We have all the NATO countries.

She gets up from her desk to leave.

C.J.
We've been focusing on the Security Council, but we have...

She kisses Will on the cheek.

WILL
Does this mean you're cooking for me this weekend?

C.J.
Not a chance.

She opens her door and talks to Carol.

C.J.
Carol, call State, draft a press release. Every NATO member's endorsed the
peace accord. We're moving the goalpost and claiming the match.

CUT TO: INT. - OUTER OVAL OFFICE - DAY

Debbie comes out of the Oval Office. She speaks to Toby and Josh who are
waiting to speak to the President.

DEBBIE
He's only back here to meet with the sinks. Do this fast.

JOSH
You go first.

TOBY
Why's that?

JOSH
You've got the special relationship.

TOBY
If by special you mean bound for deportation...

DEBBIE
I don't know what you're worrying about. He's not that upset.

JOSH
Really?

TOBY
Really?

DEBBIE
No, just kidding. He's ready to rip off his finger and light it like a
cigarette.

She indicates for them to go. They both enter at the same time.

BARTLET
I'd like to know why my Treasury Secretary's on national television denouncing
a tax cut I never saw because of an estimate I never asked for.

JOSH
We did offer to brief you on the details.

BARTLET
Brief me now.

JOSH
We're not quite ready to brief you on the details.

BARTLET
Because you made a complete hash of it; the Leadership's sole request before
taking up peacekeeping.

TOBY
We're close to 60 Democratic votes.

JOSH
It's just that you might face a decision about the fall legislative agenda.

BARTLET
What is that?

TOBY
Would you prefer a bill to appoint an American monarch...

JOSH
...or a ban on the institution of marriage, except in casinos and department
stores.

BARTLET
You tell the Speaker and the Majority Leader that with my newfound royal
authority, with all my free time now that my marriage has been banned,
and with the support of every NATO member in my pocket I'm sending those
peacekeepers to the Middle East. If Congress wants to feed them, pay them,
or ever bring them back, that's entirely up to them.

TOBY
I assume we're free to play with the language on that.

BARTLET
We're done here.

They turn to leave.

BARTLET
Oh, Josh.

Josh comes back to the desk.

BARTLET
Perhaps you can shed some light on this State Department cable.

JOSH
Sir?

BARTLET
Turkmenistan to U.S.: "We didn't order these pizzas."

JOSH
I bet you're thinking there's a really good explanation for that, sir.

CUT TO: INT. - JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY

Donna is seated at her desk. Charlie comes in from the lobby and walks over
to her desk.

CHARLIE
Hey.

DONNA
Hey.

CHARLIE
Some welcome home party, huh?

DONNA
It feels lucky just to be home. How's Leo?

CHARLIE
He's in step-down. He can see visitors pretty soon. You coming to the hospital?

DONNA
A bit later, yeah. Zoey came to see me.

CHARLIE
I told her you were back.

DONNA
She told me you finished up at Georgetown.

CHARLIE
I wish she'd stop telling people that.

DONNA
Why? If I was done with college I'd shout it from the rooftop.

CHARLIE
We've got snipers up there.

DONNA
That was more of a metaphorical thing.

CHARLIE
The truth is I'm not done. I never took a swim test. There's forms I haven't
filed.

DONNA
You're holding up your college degree because of paperwork and laps in a pool?

CHARLIE
When I started Georgetown, the President made me agree that when I got the
degree I'd leave this job.

DONNA
Why would he want you to do that?

CHARLIE
He doesn't want me holding his jacket for the rest of my life. [pause]
I'll see you at the hospital?

DONNA
Happy almost-Graduation, Charlie.

CHARLIE
I'm not wearing a tassel. I don't care what they do to me.

He walks away.

CUT TO: INT. - LEO'S ROOM - HOSPITAL - NIGHT

A Secret Service agent opens the door and Bartlet walks in. The agent closes
the door behind him. Bartlet walks over to the side of the bed. Leo wakes up.

LEO
[weakly] Mr. President.

BARTLET
A morphine drip and we can skip the formalities. I might get one myself;
wheel it into meetings with the Joint Chiefs.

He takes Leo's hand and bends down, closer to the bed.

BARTLET
You're not fired, Leo. You can delegate, work part-time, bring the morphine
with you for all I care.

LEO
You remember what you told me when you offered me the job?

Bartlet nods.

BARTLET
"I need you to jump off a cliff."

LEO
And I did. And I'd do it again, but you need a new Chief of Staff.

BARTLET
We came here to put the job first. Spend our time on something that would
outlast us. I just thought we'd have a longer line of credit, is all. I'm
going to need that list of names.

LEO
Only one name.

CUT TO: INT. - WAITING ROOM - HOSPITAL - NIGHT

Josh and C.J. are seated across from each other. There are several fruit
and desert baskets on the table that is between Josh and C.J. Mallory is
sitting next to C.J. Toby is seated behind Josh. Margaret is standing,
talking to Abbey. Will is standing against the wall.

JOSH
You planted these baskets.

C.J.
I promised Donna no more traps.

JOSH
It's like a torture chamber designed by renegade Keebler elves.

Bartlet comes into the room and those that were sitting stand up.

BARTLET
I never took a moment to thank you for your work at Camp David and for holding
the building together - well, not exactly together - in Leo's absence. It's
been a rocky couple of days and that's my fault, no one else's. We're going
to meet with the joint leadership tomorrow and hash out a deal on that
tax cut. Even then we've got some fences to mend at the U.N. so I imagine
we'll see some pretty rough third- and fourth-day stories. But you know
what? There'll be a fifth day, and a sixth, and seventh after that. So...

He begins to tear up.

BARTLET
Go spend some time with my outgoing Chief of Staff, 'cause then we've got
work to do.

They begin to file out of the room to go visit Leo. As C.J. walks out the
door, Bartlet calls to her.

BARTLET
C.J.

She turns around.

BARTLET
There's something I need you to do for me.

C.J.
What's that?

BARTLET
Jump off a cliff. We'll talk about it on the ride back.

C.J.
Yes, sir.

She walks away and into Leo's room.

DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END.
* * *

The West Wing episode 6.03 "Third Day Story", original air date 3 November,
2004.