THE WEST WING
'SOMEBODY'S GOING TO EMERGENCY, SOMEBODY'S GOING TO JAIL'
WRITTEN BY: PAUL REDFORD & AARON SORKIN
DIRECTED BY: JESSICA YU


TEASER

The intro to Don Henley's "New York Minute" plays.

FADE IN: EXT. WASHINGTON D.C. - EARLY MORNING

CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
A staffer delivers mail.

CUT TO: INT. NORTHWEST LOBBY - CONTINUOUS
Two White House guards changes shifts.

CUT TO: HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Leo enters.

SINGER [VO]
Lying here in the darkness
I hear the sirens wail
Somebody's going to emergency
Somebody's going to jail.

CUT TO: INT. TOBY'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Sam is sleeping on couch.

SINGER [VO]
If you find somebody to love in the world
You better hang on tooth and nail
The wolf is always at the door.

Leo looks in and sees Sam.

SINGER [VO]
In a New York Minute, everything can change
In a New York minute,...

LEO
Sam?

The song continues, Sam wakes up.

SAM
What day is this?

LEO
It's Friday.

SAM
I'm sorry. I meant... I'm sorry. What time is it?

LEO
You sleep here last night?

SAM
I'm sorry?

LEO
You slept here?

SAM
I don't have a couch in my office.

LEO
Yeah, but you have a bed in your house, right?

The song fades out.

SAM
I need to change my shirt.

LEO
Maybe you need to go home for a while.

SAM
What are you doing here so early?

LEO
Trying to avoid the protesters. Metro police closed a four-block radius
around the World
Bank and made Pennsylvania Avenue one way from M to 21st.

They exit Toby's office and walk through THE WEST WING.

LEO [cont.]
Seventeenth and 15th are closed to Independence Avenue and Constitution's
closed between
23rd and the Ellipse.

SAM
Did you take Dupont?

LEO
Dupont had two turns closed off with metal barricades and cop cars. So,
I took P to Logan
Circle, which was also blocked. So, I made a U-turn and doubled back to get
on 16th, where
there was a police cordon around the National Geographic Society.

They enter LEO'S OFFICE.

SAM
Who has a problem with the National Geographic Society?

LEO
That's exactly what I want to know.

SAM
Anyway, I'm going to change my shirt.

LEO
What's going on with the pardon recommendations?

SAM
They're coming together. I've reviewed the recommendations from Justice and
the OPA and
Tribbey's office had its own recommendations.

LEO
How many are you sending in?

SAM
Eighteen, I think, now. Mail fraud, securities fraud, and truly the most
bogus drug bust
I've ever seen.

LEO
Don't retry the cases.

SAM
I'm not retrying the cases. I'm reading the material I'm supposed to read. I'm
making the
recommendations I'm supposed to make. The guy was tried in Spain and found
guilty of a
crime he was obviously too stupid to commit.

LEO
Sam, go home, would you?

SAM
No, I'm just going to change my shirt.

LEO
You look bad. You're tired, you slept in the office. It's Friday - go home.

SAM
Why?

LEO
'Cause I think you're putting too much faith in the magical powers of a new
shirt.

SAM
Leo.

LEO
Josh told me what happened... with your parents. Sam...

SAM
Yeah?

LEO
My father had affairs.

SAM
Did he?

LEO
Yeah.

SAM
My father didn't pick up a cocktail waitress, Leo. He's had a woman in an
apartment in
Santa Monica...

LEO
Yeah?

SAM
...for 28 years.

LEO
How'd he get caught?

SAM
My father it turns out is stupider than the guy in Spain. So, the real
question is how
did he not get caught until now?

LEO
Yeah.

SAM
Anyway, I'll see you at the staff meeting later.

Sam leaves the office, enters the YELLOW HALL.

LEO
[calls after him] Sam.

Leo joins Sam in the hall, and they walk.

SAM
Yeah?

LEO
When did you find out?

SAM
Tuesday.

LEO
You slept here the last three nights?

SAM
No.

LEO
Seriously, man, go home.

SAM
No, I'm going to check the final OPA list. In fact, I'll be checking it
twice...
see who's been naughty, see who's been nice.

LEO
Sam.

SAM
Life goes on, Leo. Certainly the Federal Government does, so...Thanks,
but let's drop
it, okay?

LEO
Yeah.

SAM
They're expecting trouble at the National Geographic Society?

LEO
I have no explanation.

SAM
Well, those little postcards they stick in the subscription magazines drive
me out of
my mind, so, maybe...

LEO
Yeah.

SAM
I'll see you later.

Sam enters the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE.

GINGER
Hey, Sam. [into phone] This is Ginger, it's 6:35. I've opened the
Communications Office.

SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER
* * *

ACT ONE

FADE IN: EXT. THE WHITE HOUSE - DAY

JOSH [VO]
It's a good speech.

LEO [VO]
The Andrew Jackson speech?

CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

JOSH
Yeah.

LEO
It is a good speech.

JOSH
And it gets better every year. But...

LEO
What?

JOSH
You're not going to give it, right?

LEO
Sure.

JOSH
Why?

LEO
Because it's Big Block of Cheese Day, Josh.

They exit office, walk through JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA.

JOSH
Yeah, see, but we know it's Big Block of Cheese Day. And we know why it's
called Big
Block of Cheese Day. So, there's really no need for the speech.

LEO
Except it wouldn't be Big Block of Cheese Day without the speech, now,
would it?

JOSH
Well, let's find out. Maybe it would.

LEO
How did you get to work this morning?

JOSH
I walked.

LEO
Ah.

JOSH
Yeah.

LEO
How is it out there?

JOSH
Uh, it's pretty loud.

LEO
World Policy Studies is holding a forum this morning. I'm going to send Toby.

JOSH
That's a good idea.

LEO
Why?

JOSH
Well, 'cause you're not sending me.

LEO
Look, I...

JOSH
Leo, the World Bank and the WTO are international organizations of which
the U.S. is one
member. Why isn't Switzerland the one?

LEO
'Cause they're not protesting in Switzerland... they're protesting on 18th
street, and
I don't want to be asked how come no one from the White House ever met with
them.

JOSH
Well, that seems reasonable.

LEO
I can't tell you how relieved I am to have your approval on that.

JOSH
But you're still going to do the speech.

They stop outside the Roosevelt Room.

LEO
Got to. Little thing called team morale, Josh. You gotta make people feel
good about
themselves.

Leo and Josh enter THE ROOSEVELT ROOM. Approximately 35 staffers are standing
or sitting
at the table.

LEO
All right, shut the hell up, everybody. I've fired more people than you
before breakfast.

Complete silence ensues. Leo goes to stand at the head of the table.

LEO
Andrew Jackson,... [staffers groan] ...in the main foyer of the White House
had a big
block of cheese. The block of cheese was huge...

C.J.
Leo, who made these assignments?

LEO
I think this will go faster if I'm not interrupted, don't you?

C.J.
I'm meeting with the Organization of Cartographers for Social Equality?

MARGARET
Yes.

C.J.
What do mapmakers have to do with social equality?

LEO
I guess you're about to find out.

C.J.
Well, probably not, because I won't really be listening to them.

LEO
The block of cheese was huge...

LARRY
Excuse me, Leo. C.J., I got NIH research funding for cancer treatment using
shark
cartilage, if you want to trade.

ED
I'll take that.

LARRY
What do you got?

ED
Citizens for D.C. Statehood.

LARRY
Forget it.

DONNA
I've got the Kemp's Ridley Sea Turtle Society, but I'm keeping it.

LEO
You're all keeping it. I'm sure Margaret worked long and hard to make sure
that the
appropriate petitioner went to the appropriate staffer.

Margaret shakes head 'no', Leo turns to look at her and she nods 'yes'.

LEO
The block of cheese was two-tons, and was there for any and all who might
be hungry...

TOBY
[enters] Excuse me. I was waylaid.

C.J.
By what?

TOBY
30,000 tourists.

LARRY
You know, the protesters.

TOBY
No, don't call them protesters, I've seen better organized crowds at the DMV.

LEO
Two tons this block of cheese weighed...

TOBY
[still muttering] In my day, we knew how to protest.

C.J.
What day was that?

TOBY
1968.

JOSH
How the hell old were you when you were protesting?

TOBY
My sisters took me. [staffers chuckle] Anybody have a problem with that?

LEO
No one has a problem with that.

TOBY
The police are always seven steps ahead of them. The cops know exactly where
they're
going to be and what's going to happen. You know how they know? By logging
onto their
website. We had the underground. We had rapid response.

C.J.
And by God, you were home by supper on a school night.

TOBY
These people are amateurs. What's my assignment?

LEO
Meeting with the amateurs.

TOBY
Huh?

LEO
World Policy Studies is having a forum... there'll be about a hundred of
them.

TOBY
Doing what?

LEO
Listening to you conduct a free exchange of ideas.

TOBY
Really?

LEO
Josh thinks it's a good idea.

TOBY
Oh well, if Josh thinks it's a good idea, then you bet, I'll do it.

LEO
Look...

TOBY
What else is there?

C.J.
I've got Cartographers for Social Equality.

JOSH
So, now you have two choices... meeting with an unruly mob or meeting with
lunatic
mapmakers.

TOBY
Or getting paid a lot more money working almost anywhere else I want.

LEO
Seriously, Toby, there'll be security there. But still...

TOBY
What about press?

C.J.
Just wires.

TOBY
No, I mean TV.

C.J.
No cameras.

TOBY
You negotiated that?

C.J.
Yeah.

TOBY
They agreed to it?

C.J.
You want to make out with me right now, don't you?

TOBY
Well, when don't I? [to Margaret] Give me the thing.

LEO
Okay, then. Andrew Jackson in the main foyer of the White House had a two-ton
block
of cheese.

JOSH
And a wheat thin the size of Lake Tahoe.

The staffers giggle. An aide hands Donna a note.

LEO
It was there for any and all who were hungry. It was there for the voiceless,
the faceless...

Donna leaves.

CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Donna exits to the hallway, where STEPHANIE GAULT is waiting.

DONNA
Stephanie.

STEPHANIE GAULT
[whispering] Hi. You look great.

DONNA
Thank you. Why are you talking like that?

STEPHANIE
I don't want to shout.

DONNA
But we can use our normal voices though, right?

STEPHANIE
Never been in the White House.

DONNA
If you wait till later tonight, I'll give you a tour.

STEPHANIE
Did I get you out of something?

DONNA
No, I meant we're not allowed to give tours until after 10:00 when the
President's out
of the west wing.

STEPHANIE
Oh.

DONNA
Come with me.

STEPHANIE
The President works until 10:00?

DONNA
He usually works until after that, but he leaves the Oval at 10. We'll go
in Josh's office.

CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

STEPHANIE
Donna, I am getting you out of something though, right?

DONNA
Nothing, you got me out of the Big Block of Cheese Day meeting.

STEPHANIE
What's...

DONNA
I had the worst feeling you were going to ask. Andrew Jackson, while he was
President,
had in the main foyer of the White House - I can't believe I'm giving this
speech -
a two-ton block of cheese. In that spirit, Leo McGarry designates one day
for certain
senior staff members to take appointments with people or groups that wouldn't
ordinarily
be able to get the ear of the White House.

STEPHANIE
Sounds amazing.

DONNA
We make a lot of fun of it but truth is, I think it is.

STEPHANIE
Um, I'm sorry to, uh...

DONNA
Oh, yeah.

Donna closes the door, comes back and sits across from Stephanie.

STEPHANIE
Were you able to mention me to Sam Seaborn?

DONNA
I wasn't... I haven't yet and I apologize.

STEPHANIE
No, that's okay.

DONNA
Sam's just... it's been a bad week for Sam.

STEPHANIE
It's just that from everything I've been told, the President listens to Sam
Seaborn when
it comes to...

DONNA
Yeah.

DONNA
I should have said this on the phone. I'm not that comfortable with...

STEPHANIE
That's....

DONNA
It puts him in an awkward position if he has to say "no," and something like
this, if it
seems like a favor.... [beat] Steph, is your dad dying?

Stephanie nods softly.

DONNA
Okay, listen. When we're in with Sam, mention what you've just said before,
that from
everything you've heard, he's the man. He'll want to impress you and show
you that he's
got access to the President.

STEPHANIE
Wait a minute. You're really getting me in to see him? It's really all right?

DONNA
Yeah, it's Big Block of Cheese Day. [picks up phone] It's me. I need some
time with Sam.

FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE
* * *

ACT TWO

FADE IN: EXT. THE WHITE HOUSE - DAY

CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

BARTLET
I don't really need to see the ten-year numbers.

STAFFER
We think it'd be a good idea to take a look at them, sir.

BARTLET
Have the ten-year projections ever been close to accurate?

STAFFER
Depends on what you mean by 'close'.

BARTLET
Within a trillion dollars.

STAFFER
No, sir, but we'd like you to take a look at them anyway.

BARTLET
Okay. Bring me the ten-year projection, a Ouiji board and a magic wand.

STAFFER
Yes, sir. Thank you, Mr. President.

Bartlet enters the OUTER OVAL OFFICE.

BARTLET
What's next?

CHARLIE
Sir, I need just a moment to discuss a fax that's coming through.

BARTLET
From whom?

CHARLIE
Jonathan Bartlet.

They enter THE OVAL OFFICE.

BARTLET
That name sounds familiar.

CHARLIE
He's your brother.

BARTLET
Yes. I remember being locked in a steamer trunk.

CHARLIE
That doesn't sound so bad.

BARTLET
There were actual steamers in there with me, Charlie. I was in there with
seafood.

CHARLIE
Okay. Well, here's the thing, Mr. President.

BARTLET
We lost the site.

CHARLIE
You lost the first choice.

BARTLET
Why?

CHARLIE
Your brother's been speaking with Neda Wallin, counsel to the Bartlet
Presidential Library
Commission and apparently the site violates the Historic Barn and Bridges
Preservation Act.

BARTLET
Which says?

CHARLIE
I've got it here in my notes. "Requires that all non-housing farm and ranch
structures
built prior to 1900 be preserved by the owners unless destroyed by an act
of God".

BARTLET
What plaid flannel-wearing, cheese-eating, yahoo of a milkman governor signed
that idiot
bill into state law? [beat, while Charlie keeps his eyes down] It was me,
wasn't it?

CHARLIE
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
Okay.

CHARLIE
They'd like a green light to go ahead with the second site.

BARTLET
Yeah, go ahead.

CHARLIE
Thank you, sir.

BARTLET
No.

CHARLIE
I'm sorry?

BARTLET
No, don't go ahead with the site. I just... [sighs] Tell my brother to hang
on, would you?
I'll make a decision. I don't know what the damn hurry is.

CHARLIE
Yes, sir. [exits]

CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - DAY

SAM
Bonnie, I now need the ten-year OMB projections, as well.

BONNIE
Are those ever accurate?

SAM
No.

BONNIE
And you got another call from...

SAM
Thanks.

Sam takes notes, crumples it and puts it in his pocket. Donna enters with
Stephanie.

DONNA
Sam?

SAM
Oh, hey. How you doing?

DONNA
Sam, this is Stephanie Gault. Stephanie, this is Sam.

STEPHANIE
It's good to meet you.

SAM
Come on in.

All three enter SAM'S OFFICE and sit down.

DONNA
Stephanie and I were at Wisconsin together and we bonded as the result of
mutual loathing
for the same ex-boyfriend. She's an associate professor of International
Relations at the
Maxwell School.

SAM
What are you doing in town?

STEPHANIE
Believe it or not, I advise the WTO in certain areas of macroeconomics,
so a global
monetary crisis can't be very far off.

SAM
What can I do for you?

STEPHANIE
[sighs] Sam, my grandfather was Daniel Gault.

SAM
Really?

STEPHANIE
Yeah.

SAM
[to Donna] You know who Daniel Gault was?

DONNA
He was a staffer here in the '40s.

SAM
He was a Special Economic Assistant to FDR and Special Liaison to State for
Eastern
European Affairs.

STEPHANIE
Donna knows the rest.

DONNA
He was jailed for espionage and died in prison six months later.

SAM
He wasn't put in jail for espionage. They couldn't make espionage. He was
put in jail for
perjury for lying in front of HUAC.

DONNA
Sam, Stephanie would like her grandfather included among those being considered
for an
executive pardon.

STEPHANIE
And from everything I've learned you're the only person to speak to about
this. That you
have the ear of the President.

SAM
Yeah. [sighs] It's impossible to demonstrate remorse since he's no longer
alive.
Demonstrating his innocence is extremely complicated.

STEPHANIE
Yes, but you've already done it.

SAM
Excuse me?

STEPHANIE
You've already demonstrated his innocence and in an extraordinarily compelling
way.
You've also spoken eloquently on the need for his pardon.

SAM
When did I do that?

STEPHANIE
At Princeton, for 23 pages in the middle of your thesis. [places some papers
on his desk]

SAM
Where did you get that?

STEPHANIE
You sent it to my father.

SAM
I did.

STEPHANIE
I know is doesn't seem like there should be much of a rush about getting a
pardon for
someone who's been dead fifty years, but time's become a factor.

SAM
Your father's sick?

STEPHANIE
Yeah.

SAM
You guys want to go to the mess and get some coffee or something?

DONNA
Yeah.

CUT TO: EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - DAY
The protesters are on the sidewalks, yelling. Toby is sitting in a car,
whistling. The
car stops, and he rolls the window down.

TOBY
Toby Ziegler.

OFFICER
Yeah.

Toby continues whistling as he gets out of car.

CUT TO: INT. BUILDING - CONTINUOUS
RHONDA SACHS, another police officer, is standing by the door.

OFFICER
[over radio] Rhonda, this guy coming in is Toby Ziegler.

SACHS
Copy that.

Toby enters.

SACHS
Mr. Ziegler?

TOBY
Yes, ma'am.

SACHS
Rhonda Sachs. They asked me to make sure you go home in one piece.

TOBY
You fully trained?

SACHS
Yes.

TOBY
How many different ways you know how to kill a man?

SACHS
How many different ways do I need?

TOBY
I like you.

SACHS
Thank you.

TOBY
Officer Sachs?

SACHS
Yeah?

TOBY
It's going to be a day at the beach.

CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE MESS - DAY
Sam, Stephanie and Donna at a table. Josh is sitting alone behind them,
waiting.

SAM
You do understand how it works?

STEPHANIE
Yeah.

SAM
Recommendations come from the OPA... Office of the Pardon Attorney. Then
the President
gets into it, and more often than not, sends it to Counsel's office for a
further review.
So... it can be a bit of a drawn-out process.

STEPHANIE
Yeah.

SAM
What I'm going to do today is speak to somebody at the Justice Department.

STEPHANIE
Which branch of the Justice Department?

SAM
The FBI.

STEPHANIE
Sam...

SAM
I know, but I won't start in on something like this without giving them a
heads-up.

STEPHANIE
My father requested the file in the late '70s and was denied. He sued under
Freedom of
Information and the judge ruled that the file couldn't be completely disclosed
because it
met three of nine exemptions allowed.

SAM
National Defense and Foreign Relations Information, Internal Agency Rules
and Practices,
and Personal Privacy.

STEPHANIE
All of which is because the FBI is simply embarrassed about this period in
their history.

SAM
I know, and that's why I have to give them a heads-up. Does Donna know how
to get in touch
with you later? I'd like to tell you how it's going. We have your number at
the hotel?

STEPHANIE
Yeah.

DONNA
Actually, we're meeting for dinner tonight.

SAM
Stephanie, the reason I mentioned before that it could be a drawn-out
process...

STEPHANIE
[sighs] I understand. I just need to be able to give him some good news. He's
a s-sweet
man in a bow tie, Sam. His father... He's been trying for so long to...

SAM
Yeah. Okay, I'll see you later then.

Josh comes over.

JOSH
Hey, Steph.

STEPHANIE
Hey, Josh.

DONNA
You're across the street in five minutes.

JOSH
Yeah.

SAM
[to Josh] I'm walking out with you.

STEPHANIE
Sam, thank you.

SAM
Yeah.

Sam and Josh exit the mess to the STAIRS.

JOSH
You on the Gault thing?

SAM
Yeah.

JOSH
That's nice of you. I appreciate that.

SAM
Yeah. I'll give the Bureau a heads-up.

JOSH
They're not going to be happy about it.

SAM
No kidding.

JOSH
Did you know that Lincoln signed a pardon on the day he was assassinated?

SAM
Yeah.

JOSH
You know the guy's name?

SAM
Patrick Murphy.

JOSH
You know what he was pardoned for?

SAM
Being a Union deserter.

JOSH
Am I annoying you?

SAM
A little bit, yeah.

JOSH
I was trying to make you laugh.

SAM
I appreciate that. Can I see your friend at the FBI?

JOSH
Yeah. Can I tell him why?

SAM
Yeah.

JOSH
Hey, you want to have a lot of fun? Seriously. Sit in on C.J.'s meeting with
the
Organization of Cartographers for Social Equality.

SAM
Where's the social inequality in cartography?

JOSH
I don't know. That's why I'm going.

SAM
You'll call the guy?

JOSH
Yeah.

SAM
Thanks.

JOSH
That a new shirt?

SAM
Yeah.

JOSH
Nice.

FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO
* * *

ACT THREE

FADE IN: INT. A SMALL AUDITORIUM - DAY
The protesters are gathered, yelling. Toby and Rhonda are on stage in the
front.

TOBY
Fire your gun.

SACHS
I can't fire a warning shot indoors.

TOBY
No, I mean fire at them. [beat] Just kidding.

TOBY
[to lead protester Webber] Hey, Solzhenitsyn. Come here. You're the group
leader?

TERRY WEBBER
Yeah, I am. I'm Terry Webber.

TOBY
You know what you did today that was really stupid? You gave away the
cameras. With
cameras in here I've got a problem 'cause I don't want to look like I can't
control
the crowd. Without the cameras, I can sit here, read the sports section for
two hours,
walk outside and say we talked. So, if you guys want to talk, that's fine. But
you're
in charge of crowd control, know what I'm saying?

WEBBER
Yeah. [over bullhorn] Folks. People, let's listen up.

The yelling subsides.

TOBY
Good morning... [microphone doesn't work, raises voice] Good morning, my
name is Toby
Ziegler and I'm the White House Communications Director and a senior domestic
policy
advisor to the President.

PROTESTER 1
Advise him we need clean air more than free trade!

Yelling begins again.

PROTESTER 2
How many 12-year-olds made your shoes, Toby!?

GROUP
Global justice now! Global justice now! Global justice now!

TOBY
[to Sachs] You want to send out for pizza or something?

GROUP
Global justice now! Global justice now!

Toby sits down with a newspaper and puts his feet on the table.

CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING HALLWAY - DAY
Sam walks to the front desk]

RECEPTIONIST
Yes, sir?

SAM
I'm here to see Special Agent Casper. My name is Sam Seaborn.

RECEPTIONIST
Seaborn?

SAM
Yeah.

RECEPTIONIST
I'm sorry, I'm not seeing your name here. Agent Casper knows you're coming?

MIKE CASPER
[from down the hall] Sam.

CUT TO: INT. CASPER'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Sam and Casper enter.

SAM
How are you doing, Mike?

Casper slams the door, and both sit down.

CASPER
Just requesting the file on Daniel Gault is so wildly outside the parameters
of your
authority as a political appointee...

SAM
I came here to...

CASPER
Listen...

SAM
Mike, you guys got it wrong and you know it.

CASPER
Really?

SAM
Yes.

CASPER
What else do I know?

SAM
Michael, I gave you the heads-up as a courtesy. I don't need your permission
to go to
the OPA. I don't need your permission to tell the press why I did.

CASPER
Sam, the guy did six months for a capital crime. Now you want to get him a
Presidential
pardon?

SAM
He did six months for perjury before vexingly dying of a heart attack.

CASPER
You know why?

SAM
'Cause the prosecutor couldn't make espionage.

CASPER
That's right.

SAM
Well, why do you suppose that was?

CASPER
I don't suppose, I know. It was because the U.S. Attorney blew it.

SAM
Twelve jurors say no and you're still...

CASPER
The man was named by Joe McCarthy as part...

SAM
The "20 Years of Treason".

CASPER
Yes. Which was called at the time, a conspiracy on a scale so immense as to
dwarf any
previous venture in the history of man.

SAM
Somebody, wake me up from this 'cause I think you just deputized Joe McCarthy
into your
argument.

CASPER
My point...

SAM
You know who else was on that list?

CASPER
Sam.

SAM
General George Marshall, author of the Marshall Plan and mentor to
Eisenhower. Course that
was after he won World War II.

CASPER
We made more than we missed.

SAM
Owen Lattimore, I.F. Stone.

CASPER
Not everybody at State was wrongly accused.

SAM
You guys rounded up some pretty dangerous TV comedy writers, too.

CASPER
Sam...

SAM
Ring Larder's just died. How many years does he get back?

CASPER
Listen to me. The Bureau's had moments in its past that it's not proud
of. I'll bet if we
comb through the fine print of history we might be able to find one or two
occupants of
the Oval Office who could say the same thing. [Sam lowers his eyes.] But
the difference is
our failures are public and our successes are private. So when we apprehend
an enemy of the
state, like say, a fugitive member of West Virginia White Pride we don't
take a curtain
call on Sunday with Sam and Cokie. When we learned that it wasn't the Secret
Service who
ordered the canopy down in Rosslyn we kept is to ourselves.

SAM
Please, God, Mike. Please tell me you weren't just threatening Toby Ziegler.

CASPER
I wasn't, Sam.

SAM
Good.

CASPER
Yeah.

SAM
Anyway..."Because the Bureau will be embarrassed" isn't a good enough
reason. I'm putting
Daniel Gault on the list. I just wanted to give you a heads-up.

CASPER
Anything else?

SAM
Nope.

Sam exits. Casper picks up the phone and starts dialing.

CUT TO: INT. THE PRESS ROOM - DAY
People are standing near the podium with an AV display. C.J. enters, passes
sign that
reads Organization of Cartographers for Social Equality.

C.J.
Hi. I'm sorry.

DR. JOHN FALLOW
Hello.

C.J.
I'm sorry to be late.

FALLOW
Not a problem.

C.J.
I'm C.J. Cregg.

FALLOW
Of course you are. I'm Dr. John Fallow. This is Dr. Cynthia Sayles and
Professor Donald Huke.

C.J.
Huke?

DONALD HUKE
Huke.

C.J.
Okay. And you are the Organization of Cartographers for Social Equality.

FALLOW
Well, we're from the OCSE. We have many members.

C.J.
How many?

FALLOW
4300 dues-paying members.

C.J.
What are the dues?

FALLOW
$20 a year for the newsletter.

C.J.
Let's start.

Josh enters from the back of room.

JOSH
Wait. Wait, I want to see this.

C.J.
This is Josh Lyman.

FALLOW
Indeed you are.

C.J.
Josh, this is Dr. Fallow...

JOSH
Hi.

C.J.
...and his merry men.

The cartographers laugh politely.

FALLOW
Yes.

C.J.
Should we begin?

FALLOW
Yes.

C.J. and Josh sit down.

FALLOW
Plain and simple, we'd like President Bartlet to aggressively support
legislation that
would make it mandatory for every public school in America to teach geography
using the
Peters Projection Map instead of the traditional Mercator.

JOSH
Give me 200 bucks and it's done.

HUKE
Really?

C.J.
No. Why are we changing maps?

DR. CYNTHIA SAYLES
Because, C.J., the Mercator Projection has fostered European imperialist
attitudes for
centuries and created an ethnic bias against a Third World.

C.J.
Really?

Fallow brings the map up on the projector.

FALLOW
The German cartographer, Mercator, originally designed this map in 1569 as
a navigational
tool for European sailors.

HUKE
The map enlarges areas at the poles to create straight lines of constant
bearing or
geographic direction.

CYNTHIA SAYLES
So, it makes it easier to cross an ocean.

FALLOW
But...

C.J.
Yes?

FALLOW
It distorts the relative size of nations and continents.

C.J.
Are you saying the map is wrong?

FALLOW
Oh, dear, yes. Uh, look at Greenland.

C.J.
Okay...

FALLOW
Now look at Africa.

C.J.
Okay...

FALLOW
The two landmasses appear to be roughly the same size.

C.J.
Yes.

FALLOW
Would it blow your mind if I told you that Africa is in reality fourteen
times larger?

Josh nudges C.J. with his knee, C.J. pushes him back.

C.J.
Yes.

SAYLES
Here we have Europe drawn considerably larger than South America when at
6.9 million
square miles South America is almost double the size of Europe's 3.8 million.

HUKE
Alaska appears three times as large as Mexico, when Mexico is larger by .1
million
square miles.

SAYLES
Germany appears in the middle of the map when it's in the northernmost
quarter of the Earth.

JOSH
Wait, wait. Relative size is one thing, but you're telling me that Germany
isn't where we
think it is?

FALLOW
Nothing's where you think it is.

C.J.
Where is it?

FALLOW
I'm glad you asked. [brings up a new map, which has its continents significally
squished
northward] The Peters Projection.

C.J. and Josh lean forward.

SAYLES
It has fidelity of axis.

HUKE
Fidelity of position.

SAYLES
East-west lines are parallel and intersect north-south axes at right angles.

C.J.
What the hell is that?

FALLOW
It's where you've been living this whole time. Should we continue?

JOSH
Uh-huh.

CUT TO: INT. WORLD POLICY AUDITORIUM - DAY
The crowd is still yelling. Toby and Rhonda are at a table on stage.

WEBBER
[to protesters] Look, I'm not saying that we're going to like their
answers. I'm saying
we're going to give him a chance to talk. Now if you do have a question...

PROTESTER 4
Yeah, my question is who elected his boss the people or Kaiser-Permanente?

PROTESTER 5
He's not my President, let's vote.

PROTESTER 6
Who do you really work for?

More yelling.

SACHS
[to Toby] You're having a pretty good time, aren't you?

TOBY
Well, it's not like being at a Yankee game.

PROTESTER 7
You suck!

TOBY
Well, actually... [chuckles] Yeah, it's like being at a Yankee game.

SACHS
So, Toby?

TOBY
Officer?

SACHS
Since you're not really doing anything right now, I was wondering, what's
this all about?

TOBY
It's about the WTO, Rhonda, the World Trade Organization.

SACHS
Well, I get that from the signs and the newspapers.

TOBY
The World Trade Organization's a group of 140 countries who have agreed to
specific trade
policies.

SACHS
So, what's wrong with that?

TOBY
Nothing's wrong with that.

SACHS
What would they say if I asked them the same question?

TOBY
They'd say the WTO benefits corporations and not people.

SACHS
Does it?

TOBY
Benefits both. [pause] Look at them.

SACHS
Yeah.

TOBY
Philistines.

SACHS
Take my nightstick and go kick their ass.

TOBY
Yeah, make all the jokes you want but let me tell you something they claim
to speak for
the underprivileged but here in the blackest city in America, I'm looking
at a room with
no black faces. No Asians, No Hispanics. Where the hell's the Third World
they claim to
represent?

SACHS
Lot of Third-Worlders in the Cabinet Room today, were there?

TOBY
You're starting to bother me.

SACHS
That's 'cause I'm armed.

TOBY
No, I like that. [pause] I'm going outside.

The crowd continues yelling.

CUT TO: INT. NORTHWEST LOBBY - DAY
Sam enters, followed by Charlie. They walk.

CHARLIE
Hey, Sam.

SAM
Hey, Charlie, what's going on?

CHARLIE
The President lost his first choice of a site for the library.

SAM
What happened?

CHARLIE
There's an 18th century farmhouse they can't take down.

SAM
They'll find another site.

CHARLIE
Yeah, anyway, he's kind of in a mood.

SAM
They shouldn't be talking to him now about the library, anyway. We're not
going anywhere
for a few years, right?

CHARLIE
Well, I think that's what's got him in a mood.

SAM
Yeah.

Charlie continues walking, Sam breaks off and enters the COMMUNICATIONS
OFFICE.

GINGER
Sam, you just got a call.

SAM
Ginger, do me a favor and catch the calls. I'm going to lie down in Toby's
office for a
few minutes.

GINGER
Sam, it was the National Security Advisor.

Sam takes note.

CUT TO: INT. THE SITUATION ROOM - DAY
Nancy McNally is alone, talking on the phone at the table.

NANCY
Well, he's talking about force protection, right? I'm sorry, Colonel, that
was me. He's
talking about force protection? Right, but the President's going to ask me
about the
readiness issue.

The door opens, Sam enters, and Nancy waves him over to the table.

NANCY
I'm saying he's going to want to distinguish readiness and force
protection. No, that
was me again. [to Sam with hand over receiver] I'm the only woman on a
conference call.
Delaney can't tell when it's me talking. Do I have a bizarrely androgynous
voice?

Sam shrugs and sits down.

NANCY
[into phone] Excuse me, I'm going to step off for just a minute.

Nancy hangs up phone, Sam sighs.

NANCY
How you doing?

SAM
Good.

NANCY
Good. Drop Daniel Gault.

SAM
Nancy...

NANCY
Drop Daniel Gault, do it right now.

SAM
Why?

NANCY
'Cause I just told you to.

SAM
Nancy, I'm a lawyer. Let's let reason and logic have its moment. There was
one witness.

NANCY
Sam...

SAM
Earl Lydecker, a low level State Department staffer who confessed to FBI
counterintelligence
officers that he and Gault had conspired to send U.S. economic analysis
documents to Soviet
agents at the Russian embassy.

NANCY
Yes.

SAM
He confessed, by the way, for no particular reason.

NANCY
Yes.

SAM
It was subsequently demonstrated that Lydecker was a clinically diagnosed
manic-depressive
with a history of... wait for it... institutionalization. This was the chief
witness for
the prosecution. According to...

NANCY
Sam...

SAM
Excuse me, please. According to retired KGB Colonel Oleg Prosorov a search
of the files
at Lubyanka reveals only one reference to Gault. That he was approached in
1943 and
labeled "highly uncooperative" and a "poor prospect for recruitment".

NANCY
Sam, Daniel Gault was a spy.

SAM
[incredulously] Oh my God...

NANCY
He was a Soviet spy, Sam.

SAM
Based on what?

NANCY
Diplomatic cables intercepted by U.S. Army Signal Intelligence in the 1940s.

SAM
If that was the case, why couldn't the U.S. Attorney make espionage in the
1950s?

NANCY
'Cause the cables weren't decrypted until the 1970s.

SAM
You're telling me that we cracked some obscure Russian code and suddenly we
learned Gault
was a spy?

NANCY
Yes.

SAM
That's crap. If the FBI had proof on Gault they would have told the world
about it.

NANCY
No they wouldn't have, Sam.

SAM
Nancy...

NANCY
No they wouldn't have, neither would the NSA, neither would Central
Intelligence. You don't
show someone you've broken their ciphers unless you have to. Gault was long
dead. But before
he was, he was an agent called "Black Water". He was a delegate at Yalta. And
he returned
to the U.S. by way of Rostov where he was awarded the Order of Lenin.

SAM
Yeah, well, I'll believe that when they show me the file.

Nancy reaches behind her, picks up a heavy file and places it in front of Sam.

SAM
That's not an FBI file.

NANCY
It's an NSA file.

SAM
Nancy, I'm classified but I don't have code word clearance.

NANCY
I know.

SAM
I'm saying I'm not allowed to see that and you could get into trouble for
showing it to me.

NANCY
I could go to jail for showing it to you, which obviously I'm not going to
do. [opens the
file] I have blacked out any lateral reference that is code word
classified. Those are the
only things I've blacked out and they are in no way relevant to your
question. Look at me.
Do you believe me?

SAM
[softly] Of course.

NANCY
Go ahead.

Sam starts reading. Nancy picks up the phone again.

NANCY
This is Dr. Nancy McNally, the National Security Advisor. But again, that's
force
protection and not readiness....

FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE
* * *

ACT FOUR

FADE IN: INT. THE PRESS ROOM - DAY
The camera pans from the OCSE group to C.J., standing.

FALLOW
So, uh... You're probably wondering what all this has to do with social
equality?

C.J.
No. I'm wondering where France really is.

Josh joins C.J., standing.

JOSH
Guys, we want to thank you very much for coming in...

C.J.
Hang on. We're going to finish this.

JOSH
Okay.

HUKE
What do maps have to do with social equality, you ask?

JOSH
She asked.

HUKE
Salvatore Natoli of the National Council for Social Studies argues "In our
society we
unconsciously equate size with importance, and even power".

Josh and C.J. exchange looks.

JOSH
I'm going to check in on Toby.

C.J.
Go.

JOSH
[to C.J.] These guys find Brigadoon on that map you'll call me, right?

C.J.
Probably not.

JOSH
Okay. [exits]

FALLOW
When Third World countries are misrepresented they're likely to be valued
less. When
Mercator maps exaggerate the importance of Western civilization, when the
top of the map
is given to the northern hemisphere and the bottom is given to the
southern... then people
will tend to adopt top and bottom attitudes.

C.J.
But... wait. How... Where else could you put the Northern Hemisphere but on
the top?

SAYLES
On the bottom.

C.J.
How?

FALLOW
Like this.

The map is flipped over.

C.J.
Yeah, but you can't do that.

FALLOW
Why not?

C.J.
'Cause it's freaking me out.

CUT TO: INT. WASHINGTON, D.C. STREET - DAY
The protesters are shouting.

TOBY
It's activist vacation is what it is. Spring break for anarchist wannabes. The
black
t-shirts, the gas masks as fashion accessories.

SACHS
These kids today, with the hair and the clothes...

TOBY
All right, that's it, flatfoot.

SACHS
I got great feet.

TOBY
You want the benefits of free trade? Food is cheaper.

SACHS
Yes.

TOBY
Food is cheaper, clothes are cheaper, steel is cheaper, cars are cheaper,
phone service
is cheaper. You feel me building a rhythm here? That's 'cause I'm a
speechwriter and I
know how to make a point.

SACHS
Toby...

TOBY
It lowers prices, it raises income. You see what I did with 'lowers' and
'raises' there?

SACHS
Yes.

TOBY
It's called the science of listener attention. We did repetition, we did
floating opposites
and now you end with the one that's not like the others. Ready? Free trade
stops wars. And
that's it. Free trade stops wars! And we figure out a way to fix the rest! One
world, one
peace. I'm sure I've seen that on a sign somewhere.

SACHS
God, Toby... Wouldn't it be great if there was someone around here with
communication skills
who could go in there and tell them that?

TOBY
Shut up.

Josh enters through the police line.

JOSH
Toby...

TOBY
What are you doing here?

JOSH
Came down to see how it was going. [to Sachs] How's it going? Josh Lyman.

SACHS
Rhonda Sachs.

JOSH
Any trouble?

SACHS
No.

TOBY
[raises his hand] Josh. The WTO is undemocratic, and accountable to no one,
decisions
are made by Executive Directors and the developing world has little to say
about
institutional policy.

JOSH
What was that?

TOBY
I protested to you.

JOSH
Why?

TOBY
'Cause I'm not allowed to get arrested anymore.

JOSH
Let's go back.

TOBY
No, I hate these people with the heat of a nova. Yet here I go.

SACHS
Attaboy.

TOBY
Shut up.

SACHS
I got your back, man, you know? Or not.

All three enter the building.

CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT

BARTLET
Charlie?

CHARLIE
[enters] Yes, sir?

BARTLET
Let's do calls in the residence, okay?

CHARLIE
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
I think there were a couple of late memos.

LEO
[enters] Good evening, Mr. President.

CHARLIE
They're on your desk, sir.

BARTLET
Thanks.

Charlie exits.

BARTLET
I'm going to head home.

LEO
At 7:30?

BARTLET
I'll make calls from the residence.

LEO
Are you feeling all right?

BARTLET
Yeah.

LEO
I heard you lost the site. What's the backup?

BARTLET
Well, there's this wooded land on the Connecticut River, but the Abenaki
Indians are
claiming it's an ancient burial ground.

LEO
Ah.

BARTLET
There's a magnificent bluff overlooking an orchard in Orford and the owner
is willing,
if not eager, to donate the land.

LEO
What's the problem?

BARTLET
The owner's doing 40 months at Allenwood for securities fraud.

LEO
You'll find a site.

BARTLET
This is how long I get before I have to start with the library? Two years? And
the first
six months was figuring out how to work the phones? Oh, by the way, they've
changed the
phones again.

LEO
Yeah.

BARTLET
This is the last job I've ever going to have. This is the last time I'm
going to come to
work with people. I swear to God, I feel like I was just starting to get
good at it.

LEO
Well, it's two years, with an option for four more. [Bartlet doesn't
respond.]
Mr. President, is there anything we need to talk about?

BARTLET
Not yet, okay?

LEO
Okay.

BARTLET
I'll see you tomorrow.

LEO
Thank you, Mr. President.

Bartlet exits.

CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE MESS - NIGHT
Sam is tossing sugar packets into a metal pot. Sugar packets clang as they
hit the pot.
Donna enters.

DONNA
Sam? What are you doing?

SAM
I don't know.

DONNA
Where've you been all afternoon?

SAM
Been around. Then I came down here to practice my sugar tossing, 'cause if
you don't
practice, then you might as well give the clarinet to a kid who'll use it.

DONNA
Stephanie's upstairs. I put her in your office 'cause Josh is back.

SAM
When she said that from what she's heard I'm the one to talk to, that... I
have the ear
of the President, you told her to say that, right?

DONNA
It was... This was so important to her. I... [chuckles nervously] I wanted
to give...
Yes. I did. I'm sorry. I didn't...

SAM
I don't know why you'd think I was like that. I mean, for fun, but... I
don't know why
you'd think I was like that.

DONNA
It was wrong.

SAM
Yeah.

DONNA
Were you able to...?

SAM
He was a spy.

DONNA
You're sure?

SAM
Yes.

DONNA
No. I mean it's not possible that...

SAM
His code name was "Black Water". He copied by hand State Department and
White House
documents and delivered them to the Soviets. They included...

DONNA
Sam...

SAM
Roosevelt's plans to enter the war...

DONNA
You can't tell her. You have to tell her something else.

SAM
Possible recruitment targets.

DONNA
Sam, it was...

SAM
Lists of Communists and Communist sympathizers in the State Department and
National
Recovery Administration.

DONNA
Sam...

SAM
What are you, out of your mind? I'm telling her right now.

Sam starts to walk out, Donna chases after him.

DONNA
No. No, Sam. Please, you really can't do this.

SAM
Secret memoranda on the U.S. negotiating stance at Yalta...

DONNA
Please stop walking.

Both start climbing the STAIRS.

SAM
Good, 'cause Stalin needed an advantage and we wanted a fair fight.

DONNA
Sam, nothing good comes from telling her.

SAM
The truth isn't good?

DONNA
Not right now, no. The father is not going to live another three months... let
it go
till then.

SAM
I'm not her fairy godmother. She asked me to look into this.

DONNA
I'm saying, you wait three months until...

SAM
Hey.

DONNA
You're in a bad...

SAM
Donna...

DONNA
Listen to me. You're in a bad place right now and you shouldn't make this
decision. If
you don't tell her tonight, you can tell her tomorrow. If you tell her tonight,
that's it.

SAM
Donna.

DONNA
It was people pushing paper around fifty years ago. Why does it matter?

Both stop on the STAIRS.

SAM
It was high treason, and it mattered a great deal! This country is an idea,
and one that's
lit the world for two centuries and treason against that idea is not just
a crime against
the living! This ground holds the graves of people who died for it, who gave
what Lincoln
called the last full measure of devotion. Of fidelity. You understand the
last full measure
of devotion to... Treason against them is... [almost crying]

DONNA
[softly] Sam...

SAM
There was a translator in the Hungarian trade mission named Shaba Demsky. She
was murdered
in 1952. She was about to reveal the name of a Soviet agent called Black
Water. This girl's
going to find out who her father was.

He continues to climb stairs.

DONNA
Sam... [he turns] You meant grandfather.

Sam turns around and continues down the hall.

CUT TO: INT. SAM'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Sam enters his office. Stephanie stands as he comes through the door.

STEPHANIE
Tell me there's good news.

SAM
Have you ever heard of a woman named Shaba Demsky?

STEPHANIE
No. [pause] Sam?

Sam looks past Stephanie to Donna as she stands just outside his door.

SAM
I'm sorry, Stephanie. I wasn't able to get access to the people I needed,
to have it
considered this time around. Why don't you tell your father you'll be able
to try again
in three months.

STEPHANIE
So, you're open to it?

SAM
Absolutely.

STEPHANIE
[relieved sigh] That's all he needed. That's all I needed.

Donna enters the office.

STEPHANIE
[to Donna] Did you hear?

DONNA
You should call him right now.

STEPHANIE
Can I use the phone on your desk?

DONNA
Yeah, dial 9.

STEPHANIE
Everyone was right about you, Sam.

DONNA
Sam's the man.

Stephanie exits. Sam looks crestfallen, and Donna comes over and hugs him.

SAM
It's just there are certain things you're sure of... like longitude and
latitude.

DONNA
Sam, I don't know if this is the best time to tell you, but according to C.J.,
I wouldn't
be so sure about longitude and latitude.

Sam chuckles, and releases from the hug.

JOSH
Hey... [enters] You should have seen Toby.

SAM
He was good?

JOSH
He blew the doors off the place. Then I almost got killed.

DONNA and SAM
How?

JOSH
I got hit with a piece of a banana.

TOBY
Let's go.

JOSH
[to Toby] You know what you are? You are old school, my friend.

TOBY
Stop talking like that. Let's go.

JOSH
Let me tell you something, though. That was the second time this year I
almost got killed
and both times I was with you so you're going to need a new wingman.

TOBY
You were my old wingman?

JOSH
Yeah.

TOBY
Let's go.

DONNA
Where are you going?

JOSH
Toby and I are going to get Sam drunk, and then put him to bed.

DONNA
I'll come. [leaves]

TOBY
Let's go.

SAM
I'm going to meet you there.

JOSH
Yeah?

Sam nods.

JOSH
All right.

Sam closes the door behind Josh. Don Henley's "New York Minute" plays again.

SINGER [VO]
Lying here in the darkness
I hear the sirens wail
Somebody's going to emergency
Somebody's going to jail

Sam takes the phone message out of pocket and starts dialing.

SINGER [VO]
If you find somebody to love in this world
You better hang on tooth and nail
The wolf is always at the door.

SAM
[into phone] Dad... it's me.

DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.

SINGER [VO]
In a New York minute, everything can change
In a New York...

FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
* * *

The West Wing and all its characters are properties of Aaron Sorkin, John
Wells
Production, Warner Brothers Television, and NBC. No copyright infringement
is intended.

Episode 2.16 -- 'Somebody's Going To Emergency, Somebody's Going To Jail'
Original Airdate: February 28, 2001, 9:00 PM EST

Transcript by: justanotherwinger