THE WEST WING
"CONSTITUENCY OF ONE"
TELEPLAY BY: ELI ATTIE
STORY BY: ELI ATTIE & MICHAEL OATES PALMER
DIRECTED BY: LAURA INNES


TEASER

FADE IN: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - NIGHT
The West Wing is empty. Toby and Will are packing up to leave the office
for the day.

WILL
Come on, Toby. We created nine million jobs.

TOBY
We created no jobs.

WILL
Granted, there's lots of ways of looking at the numbers, but...

TOBY
If you work for an economist, he'll tell you, government doesn't create
jobs; business creates jobs.

WILL
And they did it on our watch.

TOBY
And your point is?

WILL
This calendar is every event, every speech that the President's gonna
give over the next three months--you don't want to spend one day talking
about economic accomplishments?

TOBY
Right now we're losing jobs.

WILL
Great, put that on a bumper sticker.

TOBY
You don't talk about economic accomplishemnts in a lousy economy.

WILL
So we put it in a context.

TOBY
You want people saying, "Hey, thanks for the nine million jobs. I've got
three of them, and I can't make the house payments"?

WILL
What about Fridays? We don't have any events on Fridays.

TOBY
Fridays don't count.

WILL
Why not?

TOBY
No one watches the Friday evening news. No one reads the Saturday
papers. No Presidential events on Fridays.

WILL
I can think of a few assignment editors who'd resent that remark.

TOBY
Nothing on Fridays.

WILL
Look, you don't need my input here. I'm going to go home.

TOBY
This is how we get past crisis of the hour: seize the agenda again.

WILL
As it is, I'm going to have nightmares about color-coded six-day weeks
with no accomplishments.

TOBY
You need to learn this.

WILL
I need to see my bed. In fact, I'm thinking about carrying a picture of
it on my wallet.

Will's beeper goes off.

TOBY
We've barely had message since the campaign, let alone since Zoey. This
is your life for the next three months.

WILL
7-4-3-1. Is that in the OEOB?

TOBY
I'll drop you in Dupont Circle.

WILL
Okay.

Will and Toby grab their bags and exit to the HALLWAY.

TOBY
You think we should be touting economic accomplishment.

WILL
I do.

TOBY
Politics isn't about past performance-- it's "what have you done for me
lately, and where's my years supply of turtle wax."

Will's beeper goes off again.

WILL
I'd better return this.

TOBY
It's someone looking for one of your 9 million new jobs.

INT: COMMUNICATIONS BULLPEN

WILL
See you tomorrow.

Toby leaves. Will picks up the phone and dials the number.

WILL
Hi, it's Will Bailey.

CUT TO: INT. OLD EXECUTIVE OFFICE BUILDING, HALLWAY - NIGHT
The hallways are dark and empty. Will walks along until he runs into an
aide carrying a picture.

AIDE LAURA
Are you Will Bailey?

WILL
I could be. I mean, yes.

Another aide walks up behind him.

AIDE HOLLY
He's the one who elected the dead guy.

WILL
He did the hard part.

HOLLY
What was that?

WILL
Dying.

LAURA
Was that a joke?

WILL
Not really, no. Am I in the right place?

The door to the Vice President's office opens.

VICE PRESIDENT ROBERT "BINGO BOB" RUSSELL
Thanks for coming on short notice, Will.

WILL
Mr. Vice President.

RUSSELL
Something to drink?

WILL
Anything with caffeine.

Will enters the VICE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE.

WILL
Sir, I want to say once again...

RUSSELL
Forget about the announcement speech.

WILL
Thank you.

RUSSELL
I admire speechwriters. They have to have the tendency to doubt and the
capacity to believe in equal measure.

WILL
Why am I here, sir?

RUSSELL
You're the President's voice. You don't think I have an interest in
that?

WILL
At 12:15 on a weeknight, no.

RUSSELL
Oh, I have to work longer hours--I'm playing with a handicap.

WILL
Sir?

RUSSELL
Spare tire on the automobile of government. Heartbeat away from having
a heartbeat. The story of the two brothers.

WILL
The two brothers?

RUSSELL
One went to sea; one became vice president--neither was heard from again.

WILL
That's a new one.

RUSSELL
I may need more help than that dead guy you got elected in Orange
County, Will. I may need some political life support myself.

WILL
I'm afraid I don't follow.

RUSSELL
I'd like you to be my communications director. First senior-level hire
in the White House.

WILL
I-I'm flattered, sir, but I'm not...

RUSSELL
You don't think I'm politician enough.

WILL
I didn't say that.

RUSSELL
You play baseball coach for a moment. Two players run to first. They
both have the same time, but one has perfect form, the other, lousy
form. Which one do you pick?

WILL
The one with lousy form.

RUSSELL
'Cause teach him the right form...

WILL
And he beats the other guy--it's a neat analogy...

RUSSELL
I know I'm not the best politician, but here I am Vice President of the
United States. Imagine what we can do when you teach me the right form.

WILL
Sir, I'm a special assistant to the President.

RUSSELL
Chief strategist and senior counselor to the Vice President.

WILL
Are we playing poker?

RUSSELL
I'm showing you my hand.

WILL
You're looking for your own Toby Ziegler.

RUSSELL
I'm looking for someone who can beat Toby to first.

WILL
Thank you, sir, but I'm not interested.

RUSSELL
I like loyalty, Will, I respect loyalty. But you can run out the clock
on a Bartlet presidency that, politically speaking, is over. You can
finish something that you never started in the first place. You can run
around those little hallways until Toby turns out the lights. Or you can
shape the next presidency from the ground up. Total access. Coach of the
team. Of course, I understand if you're not interested.

Will and Russell stare each other down as aide Holly hands them their
drinks.

SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.
END TEASER
* * *

ACT ONE

FADE IN: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE, HALLWAY - DAY
Josh is walking along the hallways. He sees a stack of newspaper in
front of a door. He bends down and picks one up. On the front page is
a picture of Josh sitting on a coach with the captions: "The 101st
Senator: Bartlet's Point Man on Capitol Hill." Josh begins to read the
article as he walks down the hall.

DONNA
Did you read it?

JOSH
I'm not reading it. There's some new stuff since the early edition.

DONNA
It's a great piece.

JOSH
It's a puff piece, so I'll return the reporter's call, which I won't.

DONNA
[reading] "A one man congressional majority... Bartlet's legislative
juggernaut..."

JOSH
It's an embarassment. You should be stealing everyone's copies before
they can read it.

DONNA
And burning them on the south lawn?

JOSH
I'm serious. Save one for my mom.

DONNA
She'll be proud of her little birthday boy.

JOSH
Look, don't... no gifts, no parties--just another day, okay?

DONNA
A coffee and...

JOSH
Yeah, with... thing.

DONNA
You have senior staff in five minutes, Ward Room at 7:45. You're not
wearing a tie. Like your suit though.

JOSH
Thanks.

DONNA
Liked it when you wore it yesterday, too.

JOSH
Speaker's trying to roll us again on stimulus. This story about me
sending a congressman a dead fish wrapped in newspaper--the Post get
this from you?

DONNA
No.

JOSH
Coffee and a...

DONNA
Yeah.

Donna walks off as Josh enters the NORTHWEST LOBBY.

WOMEN
[to Josh] Great piece in the Post.

Amy walks up to Josh as he is trying to put on a tie.

AMY
Your clipping service must be busy today.

JOSH
Why, was there something in the... paper?

AMY
101st senator--is that like being the fifth Beatle?

MAN [OS]
Nice profile.

JOSH
Yeah, I was the one who played sitar and made procedural changes.

AMY
So , listen Mr. Rip-up-the-Costitution-and-behold-my-awesome-powers...

JOSH
I got a meeting.

AMY
Mr. cloture-motions-flow-like-blood-through-my-gavel-wielding-veins.

JOSH
Okay, I don't think veins wield gavels, but...

AMY
HHS Appropriations?

JOSH
What about HHS appropriations?

AMY
How far under the budget cap was our original submission?

JOSH
Why don't you get that from Legislative Affairs?

AMY
'Cause I'm getting it from you.

MAN [OS]
Josh, nice piece.

JOSH
If the First Lady's got some last-minute budget request, run it through
the process.

AMY
The First Lady's got nothing.

JOSH
'Cause our budget's locked, and she's a sensitive topic around here.
Or... not around here, as the case may be.

AMY
It's nothing, Josh.

JOSH
Nothing's nothing.

AMY
I'll get it from Legislative Affairs.

As Josh enters Leo's office, Amy pulls out a tie, wraps it around Josh's
neck and tries to pull him back.

JOSH
Don't. Come on.

Amy turns around and leaves. Josh comes back out and watches her as she
walks away, then he enters LEO'S OFFICE. Ed, Larry, C.J., Toby, Leo and
Will are in the office waiting.

LARRY
Nice profile, Josh.

JOSH
I didn't even talk to them, if that's what...

C.J.
Hats off to the Jewish-Connecticut Corleone.

TOBY
I'm still trying to make the cover of Jane's Defense Weekly.

JOSH
Hey, that fish story...

LEO
Hey, let's talk about the DNC poll. We got the first half-sample.
President's job approval down to 49%. Abbey's 11 points higher.

TOBY
Personal approval's completely seperated from job performance.

JOSH
But "strong leader" is down, "handling of economy", way down.

LEO
People don't feel safe with what's going on in the world, don't feel
economically secure. The Republicans are pounding us every day and
people don't think the President's leading.

TOBY
They love him at a barbecue, not so much with the nuclear launch codes.

JOSH
We're not the ones who voted down the stimulus package.

LEO
Our job's to get that message out, and we're going to do this like in
the campaigns. Toby's working up a new message calendar. When the
President signs off, we treat it like it's chiseled stone. No more
lurching from issue to issue. No more governors' brother-in-laws' bar
mitzvahs driving the schedule-- just a positive message, oppurtunity
and security, one day at a time.

WILL
Except Fridays.

Toby turns around and looks at Will.

LEO
What?

TOBY
217 military promotions that were supposed to pass the Senate last night.

C.J.
What about them?

TOBY
A senator put them on anonymous hold.

LEO
A hold on military promotions?

JOSH
It's Chris Carrick.

LEO
Why would a conservative Democrat block military promotions?

JOSH
He threatened it last week when he stiffed us on stimulus package--it's
Carrick.

C.J.
So much for opportunity and security.

TOBY
A fight in our own party over the military.

JOSH
It's not going to be a fight. I got this one.

LEO
No, I'll handle it. Thanks, everybody.

Everyone begins to walk out but Josh.

JOSH
I can handle Carrick.

Margaret enters.

MARGARET
The President's ready in the Residence.

LEO
It's not a thing. It's just you're a little hot after last week. I want
to be sure...

JOSH
This is what I do. You got time to wrangle a senator on the Hill?

LEO
Okay, thanks.

Leo and Josh walk out to the hallway.

LEO
Hey, I got a message from Legislative Affairs. HHS Appropriations--for
some reason they're reopening the bill.

JOSH
HHS Appropriations?

LEO
You know about this?

JOSH
No. No, I don't.

LEO
I'll call them--it's probably nothing.

JOSH
Yeah, it's probably nothing.

Leo walks off and Josh runs into Donna.

JOSH
Donna, I need Amy.

DONNA
What's wrong?

JOSH
Just... I-I need Amy.

CUT TO: INT. KITCHEN IN RESIDENCE - DAY
Bartlet and Charlie are waiting.

LEO
Morning, Mr. President.

BARTLET
What's the problem with the Belgian elections, Leo?

LEO
Is this the start of a riddle?

BARTLET
The intelligence briefing. The anti-immigrationist are gaining in the
north--doesn't say why or how.

LEO
You want more on the Flemish Bloc.

BARTLET
I want a CIA briefer her in person every morning. Why'd I get this on
paper.

CHARLIE
You never have briefers in the family quarter's, sir. Your rule is...

BARTLET
That was Abbey's rule.

CHARLIE
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
What's next?

CHARLIE
Budget review at 9:00, and Toby needs your sign-off on the message
calendar.

BARTLET
Yeah.

LEO
We can't let this sit over the weekend. It's been months since we had a
clear message coming out of this building.

BARTLET
Months since we reduced a $2 trillion government to poll-test bromides.
You think James Madison ran his presidency off a message calendar?

LEO
Probably, yes.

BARTLET
"Life" on Modays, "liberty" on Wednesdays, "shaking off the tyrannical
monarch" on alternate Thursdays.

LEO
Toby needs your okay this morning. One more thing--HHS Appropriations.
Remember our violence prevention initiatives?

BARTLET
Republicans gutted it, 'cause "domestic violence isn't a public health
issue," as if spousal abuse were part of the Atkins diet.

LEO
The Republicans just reopened the bill and added back every penny.

BARTLET
Just like that.

LEO
We'll get you more on the Flemish thing.

Bartlet walks out as Leo and Charlie stand there.

CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY

JOSH
Five minutes with Amy?

DONNA
Take ten--you're over 21.

Donna walks away.

RYAN
The Post said you're the 101st Senator.

JOSH
I'm impressed. You read block-letter headlines.

RYAN
What's that mean?

JOSH
I used to work in the Senate, I do the Presidents Senate politics--I got
some sway down
there is all.

RYAN
And you once sent a congressman a dead fish?

JOSH
He tried to bottle up the fisheries bill. It wasn't... Is this an
inquisition?

RYAN
Bet he's glad it wasn't a whaling bill.

They go in JOSH'S OFFICE.

JOSH
I thought you were gonna gather up those profiles. Lord Bullingdon's
having a field day over here.

Josh sees a pile of papers on his desk. He lifts up the papers to
discover a dead fish wrapped in them.

JOSH
We had a rule today--no gifts.

Donna enters.

DONNA
Your birthday's not for you, it's for the rest of us.

JOSH
How's that work, exactly?

DONNA
Well, we get to, I don't know, eat cake and wear pointy little hats.

JOSH
Just don't tell anyone, okay? I don't want one of those sad-sack parties
in the Indian Treaty Room where some guy from the OMB drones on about
how I saved the aquatic weed subsidy.

DONNA
Amy doesn't have time for the morning.

JOSH
Tell her to make time. I'm going to the Hill.

RYAN
What's on the hill?

DONNA
Some buildings and a big statue of some guy with a beard.

RYAN
I meant the meeting.

JOSH
You don't get to know everything, okay? This isn't an all-access pass.
You're not backstage at a Stones concert.

RYAN
You ever been backstage at a Stones concert?

JOSH
No.

RYAN
It's pretty great.

JOSH
I want him sorting mail.

CUT TO: INT. C.J.'S OFFICE - DAY
C.J. and Toby enter talking.

TOBY
When consumer confidnce drops seven points instead of two...

C.J.
It's not the economy. That's not why our poll numbers down.

Carol enters.

CAROL
Ben again on five.

C.J.
Yeah, you can stop giving me his messages.

CAROL
Plus, Leo is ready for the prebrief. [exits]

TOBY
Who's Ben?

C.J.
A guy I lived with for six months.

TOBY
I didn't know you lived with a guy named Ben.

C.J.
There's a lot you don't know about me.

TOBY
Like what?

C.J.
Well, that's about it, really.

TOBY
You don't want his calls?

C.J.
Well, if I take his call, of course it would be great to hear his
voice--he has this low, husky radio voice-- and we'd be swapping
memories and old jokes and pet names and then it's the frisky little
e-mails and pretty soon it's, you know, the weekend in Little Washington
and the late-night phone calls and that's when we begin to get on each
others nerves, 'cause we get on each others nerves. He has this thing
where he twirls his hair and... Anyway, the bloom's off the rose and I
don't call as much and it's the guilt and cherchez la femme and why-
didn't-it-work-out-the-first-time and it's ten years til we talk again.

TOBY
That was like a bad romantic comedy in fifteen seconds.

C.J.
Straight to video.

They get up and exit into the HALLWAY where they run into Leo and Will.

LEO
What are you getting from the gaggle?

C.J.
Latest drop in consumer confidence.

WILL
Pivot to the stimulus package. Our new version will be introduced next
week. Drop it back in Congress's lap.

TOBY
Why is the President dragging his feet on naming a new Chariman of the
Joint Chiefs?

C.J.
The President's making his decision. Admiral Fitzwallace is still on the
job--one Chariman at a time.

LEO
What else?

WILL
Reuters has a report that we scrubbed two paragraphs from an EPA report.

C.J.
Scrubbed two paragraphs?

WILL
The EPA's report on energy needs. Reuters is saying the White House
scrubbed language critical of the coal industry.

C.J.
What midlevel lacky tampers with an independant report?

LEO
You're looking at him.

C.J.
I didn't mean to... Are we defending coal?

WILL
Reuters has the original draft.

C.J.
We have to do a total mea culpa. Make it a one-day story.

LEO
We're not "culpa-ing" anything. "The report will reflect administration
views."

C.J.
That's not going to fly if they have the original draft. There's a
threshold...

LEO
"The report will reflect administration views." That's the line. What
else?

Silence.

LEO
Great. Thanks.

Leo exits. C.J. looks at Will and Toby, and then walks away.

WILL
You worried about the EPA thing?

TOBY
I'm worried about anything that takes us off our new message.

WILL
Now that we've offically settled on our new message.

TOBY
Right.

WILL
What's our new message?

Toby hands Will a folder. Will opens it and glances at it's contents.

WILL
Some changes since last night.

TOBY
The President signed off.

WILL
I thought I'd have another chance to weigh in.

TOBY
You're gonna have a big role in this.

WILL
Hand-coloring copies of the calendar?

Will and Toby enter the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE.

TOBY
I need you to sit down with the Labor Secretary, the Commerce Secretary,
the Vice President, walk them through their assigned economic speeches,
then...

WILL
That's a bad idea.

TOBY
We've been over this. If the President's stumping for the new stimulus
package on Tuesday, you look at the calendar, then the Labor Secretary
also talks...

WILL
I mean the Vice President. We can't pretend he's another Cabinet flunky.

TOBY
You're right--Cabinet flunkies have job responsibilites.

WILL
He's a Constitutional officer. We should get his input up front.

TOBY
I'm not interested in his input.

WILL
What if he doesn't like it?

TOBY
You want me in the meeting with you?

WILL
No.

TOBY
Give him his assignment. I don't care if he likes it. You work for the
President, so does he.

Toby walks into his office, leaving Will standing at the door.

FADE OUT.
END ACT ONE
* * *

ACT TWO

FADE IN: INT. THE CAPITOL HILL, IDAHO SENATOR RECEPTION AREA - DAY
A staff is sitting at a desk which has a bowl of potatoes on it.

STAFF ASSISTANT
Mr. Lyman.

Josh sees the bowl of potatoes.

JOSH
I get it: Idaho. That's funny.

STAFF ASSISTANT
Do you have an appointment with the senator?

JOSH
No, but he'll want to see me.

STAFF ASSISTANT
[into phone] Josh Lyman from the White House. [to Josh] Go on in.

Josh walks in the SENATOR'S OFFICE.

SENATOR CHRIS CARRICK
I'm surprised the White House sent Josh Lyman.

JOSH
You can't block military promotions. We went over this last week. We
can't have an intraparty fight over this when the Republicans are
thrashing us on security.

CARRICK
Oh, I don't want a fight.

JOSH
These are career officers who have risked their lifes in the Gulf, in
Africa.

CARRICK
We'll keep our promises to our troops once we keep our promises to each
other.

JOSH
What promises are those?

CARRICK
The MB-827 triple-missile launcher.

JOSH
The MB-827?

CARRICK
To be built in my state of Idaho. I'd like a signed letter of intent
today.

JOSH
Senator?

CARRICK
Yes.

JOSH
One problem with the MB-827 launcher.

CARRICK
What's that?

JOSH
It doesn't work. It's a missile defense system that can't hit missiles.
It's a $270 million slingshot the Pentagon doesn't want.

CARRICK
Let's talk about why you want to build that launcher.

JOSH
No, let's talk about what you're going to do for our underpaid,
underpromoted fighting men and women.

CARRICK
Not a damn thing till I get my launcher.

JOSH
And when were you promised...?

CARRICK
Seven years ago.

JOSH
Under the last President?

CARRICK
Right.

JOSH
Okay, uh, a bunch of things have fallen by the wayside since then, like
communism.

CARRICK
You want your promotions, you'll give me my launcher.

JOSH
If you want to come asking for party favors, you shouldn't have voted
with the Republicans for five straight years. You shouldn't have voted
with them last week to kill our stimulus package.

CARRICK
You tell Leo McGarry I look forward to a letter approving the MB-827.

CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY
Nancy enters. Bartlet hands her a folder of papers.

BARTLET
Nancy, I want these to go back to the Staff Secretary.

NANCY
Absolutely, Mr. President. [exits]

BARTLET
Thank you.

Leo enters from his office.

BARTLET
Did you hear about the Chief Justice?

LEO
What now?

CHARLIE
He was presiding over a moot court competition at NYU--though he was at
the real Supreme Court.

LEO
Which is fine if we can get NYU to rule on the second amendment.

BARTLET
He's losing it, Leo.

LEO
It's a lifetime appointment.

BARTLET
That doesn't mean he gets to decompose on the bench. Are we taking care
of Carrick?

LEO
Josh is. There's more on HHS Appropriations. Violence Prevention's now
been doubled.

BARTLET
It went from gutted to double?

LEO
200 million.

BARTLET
Is this a budget problem?

LEO
Legislative Affairs are concerned. It could cut into bioterrorism,
global pandemics. 200 million's real money.

Nancy has re-entered with some papers for Bartlet to sign.

BARTLET
[to Nancy] Thank you. [to Leo] You think the Republicans want to make
it so expensive we'll cut it ourselves?

LEO
It's possible.

BARTLET
Are they trying to outflank us on the left?

LEO
I can't see why.

BARTLET
Let's find out.

CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY
Donna is walking and Ryan is following her.

RYAN
So, Josh is against the launcher 'cause he thinks it's all make-work
jobs for Idaho.

DONNA
Yes.

RYAN
But he supports workfare which gives people make-work jobs?

DONNA
Find me a military contractor on food stamps and we'll talk.

They walk into C.J.'S OFFICE. Carol are C.J. are inside talking.

DONNA
Josh's guidance on the DSCC.

Donna hands the papers to Carol, who then hands them to C.J.

C.J.
Thanks.

Donna and Carol exit.

RYAN
So, uh, I got Josh an expensive birthdy present.

C.J.
You can't--you're his subordinate. That's a violation of ethics rule.

RYAN
Then I'm giving it to you.

C.J.
You'd better believe you're my subordinate, and I dont think you even
brought a present at all.

RYAN
There's a party at the Australian Embassy later.

C.J.
Are you...?

RYAN
No. It's just, uh...

C.J.
There aren't enough phone books in the District of Columbia for you to
stand on.

RYAN
How about suburban Maryland?

C.J. smiles to herself.

CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - DAY
Josh is sitting in a chair waiting when Leo enters.

LEO
How's Carrick?

JOSH
He wants the MB-827 missile launcher.

LEO
The one that doesn't work.

JOSH
Yeah. The 97th Airborne's a stickler for that kind of thing, too.

LEO
I got a breakdown on the promotions. Two dozen are headed for field
rotations in the Gulf. If they're not promoted, they can't leave for
the Gulf.

JOSH
Carrick wants that launcher. He wants a letter today.

LEO
I'm going to send Fitzwallace to cut a deal. Call it his farewell tour.

JOSH
I've got a better idea. No Fitzwallace, no letter, no deal. Five years
he's voted with Republicans. Just last week he switched his vote and
jammed us on the stimulus package. That's why we're in this mess. We
want to keep rolling over for him?

LEO
He's a Democrat from Idaho. They use Democrats for target practice up
there. Sometimes, he's got to lean to the right.

JOSH
Sometimes. We give him everything, he screws us everytime. this guy
makes Machiavelli look like a social worker.

LEO
We need his vote when we bring stimulus up again. We need it on our
whole agenda.

JOSH
So we award him for rolling us? That'll keep him in line.

LEO
We can't afford an ugly fight right now.

JOSH
Unless we want more and more of them. We've got to stop feeding the hand
that bites us, Leo. No Fitzwallace, no letter, no deal. I need your
proxy on this.

LEO
Okay. But go easy.

JOSH
That, uh, "one-man majority" stuff? You know they didn't get that from
me?

LEO
I dont care about the Washington Post style section. Take care of
Carrick.

Josh exits into THE ROOSEVELT ROOM. Donna is standing at the table with
some papers for Josh to sign.

JOSH
Call Carrick's Chief of Staff--the launcher's off the table. Tell him...
tell him there's no such thing as a free "launch".

DONNA
That's cute.

JOSH
Just made it up.

Josh signs the paper and begins to walk away. Donna grabs his hand and
pulls him back to sign another paper.

DONNA
Amy can see you from 1:10 to 1:15.

JOSH
How about telling me I can see her? I got five minutes for her, and she
can wait in my office all day if necessary.

DONNA
Amy can see you from 1:10 to 1:15.

They exit to the HALLWAY.

JOSH
Fine.

DONNA
Is this a private birthday celebration? Need some crisp one dollar bills
and a smock?

JOSH
It's a meeting. Would you...? I don't do birthday celebrations.

DONNA
Childhood trauma, I presume?

JOSH
My seventh birthday, my parents hired a birthday clown. Big nose,
seltzer bottle, the whole drill. And he just did all his tricks for my
sister. She even got to keep one of his floppy shoes.

DONNA
Okay, I wouldn't tell that to anyone else.

JOSH
Tell Amy's office I'm on my way.

CUT TO: INT. AMY'S OFFICE - DAY
Amy is talking to an intern.

AMY
Just copy this and get me a committee roster. Thanks.

As the intern exits, Josh enters.

INTERN NAT
Nice profile, Josh.

JOSH
Thanks.

AMY
So this guy... calls his mother. He says, "Mom, how are you?" She says,
"I'm terrible, I haven't eaten in 38 days." "Why haven't you eaten in
38 days?" She says, "I didn't want my mouth to be full in case you
should call."

JOSH
You're telling me to call my mother.

AMY
I'm telling you a joke.

JOSH
What's the First Lady doing? Why do you need list of Congrsseional
committees?

AMY
I'm Amy Gardner. I work for Abigail Bartlet. Have we met?

JOSH
She's making an end run around the budget process. YOu're not supposed
to...

AMY
I'm not supposed to what, run her office?

JOSH
Leo's on to whatever you're doing with HHS Appropriations. I practically
lied about it.
Next time, I'm not gonna.

AMY
Am I going to come back from Mass and find a horse's head on my desk?

JOSH
Don't tempt me.

AMY
You got a problem, go ahead and call...

JOSH
Oh, like I'm going to get between the Bartlets. Your job is to run it
though the process.

AMY
You're afraid we're going to get called in the the pricipal's office.

JOSH
I am the principal's office.

AMY
Call your mother.

JOSH
Thanks.

CUT TO: INT. PRESS BRIEFING ROOM - DAY
C.J. is at the podium giving a briefing.

REPORTER SALLY
C.J., is the President concerned that rising joblessness will afffect
his political standing?

C.J.
The President's only concern is passing his stimulus package to get more
Americans in good jobs. He's hopeful Congress will move his new version
to the floor immediately. Mark?

REPORTER MARK
Does the Presidnet wish his press were ae good as Josh Lyman's?

C.J.
We've set up a whole Wing in the White House to handle his paparazzi.
I'm just hoping for a decent table at the Palm.

The reporters laugh. One reporter raises her hand.

C.J.
Yes?

REPORTER CHARLAYNE
Sources at the EPA say the White House censored language from a report
critical of coal-based energy. Does the White House feel that's
appropriate?

C.J.
The White House fells the EPA report will reflect administration views.

REPORTER CHARLAYNE
Not the EPA's views. Their draft cited stunted trees, poisoned fish and
wildlife as just some of the problems with coal. Hasn't this President
always...?

C.J.
The final report will aly out views on a range of issues.

REPORTER MARK
Why'd the White House tamper with an independent report?

C.J.
I've addressed that.

REPORTER GORDON
No you haven't. Why is all independent analyisis subject to White House
censorship?

C.J.
I don't accept your premise.

REPORTER CHARLAYNE
Doesn't EPA have the right...?

C.J.
I'm sure you all look forward to reading the actual report.

REPORTER CHARLAYNE
I've read both drafts--the censored one and the original. Are you
defending...?

C.J.
If there was interference with an independent report, that was obviously
a mistake.

Toby's in the back of the press briefing room looking on.

CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - DAY
Leo is watching the press briefing in his office.

LEO
Margaret!

C.J.
[on T.V.] But I assure you, the final report will reflect administration
policy. Sally?

FADE OUT.
END ACT TWO
* * *

ACT THREE

FADE IN: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - DAY
C.J. walks past Magaret who's standing by her desk.

C.J.
I'll see him.

Leo is sitting when C.J. enters.

LEO
If there's something you want to say, say it now. Don't take in into the
room.

C.J.
They had both drafts. There was nothing I could do.

LEO
I gave you the line, who said you could drop it?

C.J.
Coal is the dirtiest energy on the planet. That's worth censoring out of
a report?

LEO
What wasn't in that report was any mention of clean coal. Any mention
of...

C.J.
Clean coal's an industry myth.

LEO
They turn it into gas and steam. It's better for the...

C.J.
Clean coal is like saying "healthy botulism," "child-safe plutonium"...

LEO
Tell me the alternative, short of getting people to stop using
electricity.

C.J.
I don't know, neither does the EPA, but they're trying to tell the truth
and we gagged them, and who gave us the right? Are we surprised our
polls are down? We have a responsibilty to the country. We can't just
spin any line we make up.

LEO
You have a responsibilty to me. When I give you the line, that's the
line.

C.J.
Not when no one will believe it.

LEO
You're going to put out a statement in your own name. It's going to say
what you should have said in that briefing room, that we stand behind
that report.

C.J.
You don't want me to do that.

LEO
I do.

C.J.
That's saying I wasn't speaking for this White House.

LEO
You weren't. [gets up and walks over to C.J.] On my desk within the hour.

Leo walks out his office leaving C.J. standing there.

CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY
Ed and Larry are giving Bartlet a briefing.

BARTLET
Violence prevention jumped another 30 million in an hour?

LARRY
It's a bidding war, sir.

BARTLET
Do we know why it's happening?

No one answers.

BARTLET
Well, do we or don't we?

ED
Direct request from the First Lady to the members of the HHS
Appropriations Subcommittee, sir.

LARRY
After zoey's kidknapping... she's hugely popular, even in the Republican
conference.

ED
First Lady's office requested it, so they're tripping over each other to
fund it.

LEO
What does this mean for the CDC budget?

LARRY
They're cutting almost everything to make room. Bioterror, infectious
diseases.

LEO
You want to call the First Lady?

BARTLET
No.

ED
Would you like us to work with the Subcommittee...?

BARTLET
Don't do anything. Thanks.

LEO
Thank you, sir.

Ed and Larry exit. Bartlet quietly sits. Leo stands for a while and then
exits.

CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY
Donna is sitting at her computer typing. Ryan is behind her pulling
papers out of a filing cabinet.

DONNA
[without looking] Don't touch that.

Ryan put's the papers back down. He looks at Donna to see if she's
turned around and then he reaches for more papers.

DONNA
[without looking] Don't touch that either.

Josh walks by.

JOSH
Pierce.

Josh walks into his OFFICE and Ryan follows.

JOSH
Your family's had a lot of press attention, right?

RYAN
My great-great-great-granddad whipped up a lather when he annexed Cuba.

JOSH
I meant since Reconstruction.

RYAN
Yeah, we get some press.

JOSH
How do you, you know, deal with it?

RYAN
I never read any of it.

JOSH
Really?

RYAN
Actually, I read all of it.

JOSH
So answer the question.

RYAN
Let's just say the biggest enemy of truth isn't the lie, it's the myth.

JOSH
Meaning what?

RYAN
Meaning I'd be better off if I never read any of it.

There's a knock on the doorframe. Toby enters.

JOSH
[to Toby] Hey.

Toby doesn't say anything, he just stares at Ryan. Ryan finally gets the
message and leaves.

TOBY
Happy birthday, by the way.

JOSH
I really don't want you making a big deal out of that.

TOBY
I was done.

JOSH
Good.

TOBY
I walked the Minority Leader through the message calendar.

JOSH
Triplehorn ought to be jazzed--his pension stuff's on there.

TOBY
He tells me we're not giving Carrick a missle launcher he very much
wants.

JOSH
The Minority Leader wants us to cave, right? If he could manage his own
caucus, we wouldn't have this provlem.

TOBY
Well, Carrick's vulnerable in Idaho. We can't win back the Senate
without him.

JOSH
You're suggesting we build a multi-million-dollar heap of garbage the
DOD doesn't even want?

TOBY
Well, sometimes they find other uses for the technology. I-I...

JOSH
Great. They can turn it into a toaster that doesn't make toast. This has
zero to do with defense technology.

TOBY
The Minority Leader thinks we could lose our best chance to get him on
the new stimulus package, on our tax bill.

JOSH
It'sa bluff.

TOBY
49% job approval isn't the time to go calling bluffs. We got to get off
this, onto our issues.

JOSH
The stuff that this guy has all ready bilked us for out of a state of
about mime people...

TOBY
He's an Idaho Democrat. He's an endangered species. If he needs a little
pork...

JOSH
The Volcanic Soil Museum, the Canola Oil Feul Cell Initiative...

TOBY
It's low-fat pork.

JOSH
The Shakespeare in Military Communitues Program. I mean, what's the hell
wrong with Hemingway?

TOBY
Maybe we cut our losses.

JOSH
That's easy for you to say. I'm the one who lost him on stimulus. I'm
the one who has to get him on our agenda. I'm the one lacing up concrete
shoes on the front page of the Post.

TOBY
Been on a... have you been on a fishing trawler recently?

JOSH
Donna! I'm fine on Carrick. Do your job, I'll do mine.

Donna enters as Toby leaves.

JOSH
It stinks in here. It's like working in Moby Dick's gym locker.

DONNA
What do you expect? There was fish here all night.

JOSH
All night?

DONNA
Amy left it last night.

JOSH
Amy?

CUT TO: INT. AMY'S OFFICE - DAY
Amy is sitting at her computer typing, when Bartlet enters. Amy stands.

AMY
Mr... Mr. President.

Bartlet motions for Amy to sit, but she remains standing.

BARTLET
We're doing pretty well on violence prevention.

AMY
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
They were going to gut it, First Lady really turned it around.

AMY
I hope you don't... we probably should've run it through, um,
Legislative Affairs.

BARTLET
Nah, I'm not going to have Abbey jump through hoops.

AMY
You know intimate partner violence affects more people than breast
cancer.

BARTLET
How many calls today?

AMY
Sir?

BARTLET
The First Lady, how many calls did she make to members of the
Sumcommittee today?

No response.

BARTLET
No calls. She's hiking in the White Mountains. She made no calls, you
made them.

AMY
It's a cause she believes in...

BARTLET
Don't tell me what she believes.

AMY
I'm telling the Congress...

BARTLET
My wife is not a budget appropriation. She's not a line. Don't put words
in her mouth. Don't treat her like she's your blank checkbook.

Bartlet begins to walk out.

AMY
Due respect, sir, it's what she'd want.

BARTLET
She has to be here to want things... and you don't have to be here at
all.

Bartlet walks out leaving Amy standing there in shock.

CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - DAY

RESEARCHER
I thought you wanted the economic events shaded green.

TOBY
I said blue. Blue. Green is the color of money. This is about people's
lives.

RESEARCHER
What color are those?

TOBY
Just stick to black and white. I fact, quill and parchment's okay. I
need this for the Treasury Secretary.

Will enters as the researcher leaves.

TOBY
Did you get the VP's sign-off?

WILL
Not exactly.

TOBY
What did you get exactly?

WILL
He offered me a job last night as his chief strategist.

Toby laughs.

WILL
What's funny?

TOBY
Russell's an empty cowboy suit, you work for the leader of the free
world.

WILL
I work for a guy who works for a guy who works for the leader of the
free world.

Will walks into his office.

RESEARCHER
[to Toby] Treasury Secretary's ready in the Roosevelt Room.

TOBY
The calendar. I need the calendar.

Toby walks into WILL'S OFFICE.

WILL
He has private lunches with the President, direct access. He's not
taking orders from us.

TOBY
What did you tell Russell about the job?

WILL
I didn't tell him anything... yet.

TOBY
You're not considering it.

WILL
The clock's running out.

TOBY
You are not considering it.

WILL
How many months are we going to spend making calendars?

TOBY
You think I want to be making calendars? You think I like being in a PR
dogfight with Congress, writing banner copy for photo ops?!

The researcher comes to the door.

RESEARCHER
The Treasury Secretary's waiting. And did you want all this flush-right?

TOBY
Calendar's aren't... It's a calendar. Make it look like a calendar. How
hard is that? [to Will] This is the NBA. You don't go back to shirts and
skins.

CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY
Amy is walking down the hall with her arms folded. She walks in JOSH'S
OFFICE and sits in a chair as Josh is typing on his computer. He ignores
her and keeps typing.

AMY
"Gee, Amy, looks like you had a tough day. Why don't you tell me all
about it while I give you a foot massage?"

JOSH
Okay, let's talk about the fish. You don't understand this building.

AMY
Not being an architect or a steamfitter.

JOSH
I'm talking about a code, an ethos you don't understand.

AMY
Josh, I was just...

JOSH
The Post profile, the "legislative juggernaut," all those anecdotes, all
those quotes came from you.

AMY
Happy birthday.

JOSH
We don't glorify ourselves. How is the President going to feel when I've
got better press than him? How's every punk congressional staffer going
to feel when I'm taking victory laps the week after losing a key vote?

AMY
They'll feel like you're not going to lose the next one.

JOSH
We don't advertise. It's not the code.

AMY
It's not the code to look strong to your constituents?

JOSH
The only constituency that matters in this building is the constituency
of one--the guy in the round room, and that's who you and I work for.

AMY
I came here to work on issues, not to be part of a messianic cult.

JOSH
You serve the issue by serving the man.

AMY
Well, I'm pretty sure the man just revoked my parking privileges.

JOSH
What are you talking about?

AMY
I'm pretty sure I was just fired by the Preisdent of the Unites States
for doing my job.

JOSH
HHS Appropriations.

AMY
Sort of.

JOSH
Apologize. You got to go apologize.

AMY
I've got a constituency of one, too, Josh, but it's me.

Donna appears at the door.

JOSH
Hang on. Just hang on a second, okay?

Josh leads Donna into the BULLPEN AREA.

DONNA
Senator Carrick just held up another 56 promotions.

JOSH
What?

DONNA
The Army Secretary called. He wants to set up a meeting.

JOSH
Unless the meeting's to strap Chris Carrick to his idiot missile
launcher and fling him head first into an ICBM--which he'll miss--then...

DONNA
The Secretary's concerned if this becomes public...

JOSH
I'm making it public.

DONNA
You are?

JOSH
I'm leaking to every newspaper in the known universe that Carrick's
blocking military promotions, for a hunk of pork barrel, defense-
industrial scrap metal.

DONNA
You're sure that's a good...?

JOSH
I'm calling his bluff. I'm making him crawl down here on his knees. I'll
be in the press office.

Donna watches Josh walk through the lobby. She turns and sees Amy
standing in Josh's doorway.

FADE OUT.
END ACT THREE
* * *

ACT FOUR

FADE IN: INT. COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - NIGHT
Will is standing at a desk writing. Toby enters.

TOBY
Sorry about before. You have a future here. We should talk about it.

WILL
I'd like to.

TOBY
My portfolio, the speeches, the day-to-day, I'm going to give it to you.

WILL
You're leaving?

TOBY
I'm stepping back to do big-think-- work in the legacy.

WILL
You're never going to give up the job. You're not capable of giving it
up. You could move from Pennsylvania Avenue to the state of Pennslyvania
and...

TOBY
It's a Commonwealth.

WILL
Fine, I'm trying to....

TOBY
We'll figure it out.

WILL
I don't want your job.

TOBY
Why not?

WILL
'Cause Bartlet's never going to finish the job he started. Name an issue,
you're still clawing your way back. Someone has to be able to take the
handoff.

TOBY
You took the Russell job. This isn't line on a resume. None of us... you
don't walk away.

WILL
We're on the same team.

Toby turns around and walks into his office.

TOBY
Yeah, well, maybe we'll print up t-shirts.

CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Leo's reading a document when there's a knock on the door. C.J. enters.

LEO
Your statement on the coal thing?

C.J.
It just went out.

C.J. hands him her statement.

LEO
There's a typo in the...

C.J.
Carol caught it.

LEO
Okay.

C.J.
Is that all?

LEO
I don't like coal any more than you do. But sometime tomorrow, we're
going to get the full results of that poll, and I'm going to have to
fix the President a drink and tell him his numbers are crumbling--that
the dogs don't like the dog food--on the eve of a big budget fight.

C.J.
I know.

LEO
We attack the coal industry, and however many thousand coal miners and
what's our answer? Nuclear? Drill on the Arctic? 40% unemployment in
West Virginia.

C.J.
No.

LEO
Like it or not, we're the Saudi Arabia of coal. Coal's what we got.

C.J.
The EPA's an independent agency, Leo.

LEO
The day we don't get blamed for their screw ups, that's when we count
'em as independent.

C.J.
I disagree.

LEO
Okay.

C.J.
And holding your line makes it a two or three-day story at the least.
The whole room thinks we screwed up whether we admit it or not.

LEO
You made that point.

C.J.
I appreciate your apology, but if I'm going to fullfill my duty to the
country, I don't just need to know what you're thinking. I need to know
that you're listening to me when I say you made a mistake.

LEO
I am... I'm not apologizing to you. I'm telling you my thinking as a
courtesy. But you work for me. When I make a decision, that's the
decision. If you can't back it up, don't go in the Briefing Room.

C.J.
We're here to serve the country.

LEO
We are the country.

C.J. turns and walks out.

CUT TO: INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT
Bartlet is sitting on the couch reading papers. Charlie enters.

CHARLIE
Mr. President, Amy Gardner's here.

BARTLET
Thanks, Charlie.

Charlie leaves and Amy enters.

BARTLET
The Flemish Bloc is gaining in the north.

AMY
Excuse me, sir?

BARTLET
The Flemish Bloc. The Flemish Bloc, ultra-nationalist in Belgium.
Skinheads, really, neo-nazis. They're wearing three-piece suits,
speaking in coded discourse now instead of angry chants, and they're
gaining in the north. When everyone wears the same suit, how does anyone
know which side they're on anymore?

AMY
You asked to see me, Mr. President.

BARTLET
You're not fired. Abbey would choose you over me anyway.

AMY
[sits] I think it's best for me to leave, sir. What I did today,
lobbying, prodding, prying money out of that HHS SubCommittee, that's
what I'm good at. I wasn't made to serve at someone else's pleasure. I
don't think my staying would please anyone anyway.

BARTLET
She didn't... I didn't talk to Abbey about this. Zoey told me she was
hiking.

AMY
This building's not very conducive to relationships, sir. I'll call back
the members of the Subcommittee before I leave.

Amy gets up to walk out.

BARTLET
Tell 'em the First Lady wants violence prevention fully funded.

AMY
$100 million?

BARTLET
Make it a 110.

Amy exits the office and closes the door.

CUT TO: EXT. PORTICO - NIGHT
Leo's sitting on a bench smoking a cigarette. Toby comes outside.

TOBY
You were looking for me?

LEO
What did you want to talk about with the President?

TOBY
Did I forget the secret password? [sits next to Leo] We talked about my
giving up communications, leaving it to Will and focusing on big-picture.

LEO
This is not the time?

TOBY
When will it be the time? [stands] Message of the day, top of the news
hour, our second term and we're acting like a losing campaign.

LEO
You're not going in there to lecture him.

TOBY
Stop protecting him.

LEO
It's my job to protect him. It's your job to get us back on message.

TOBY
Will can do it. I'll supervise him.

LEO
You supervise him now.

TOBY
What does that matter?

LEO
It matters 'cause I need you doing what you're doing now. [stands] I'm
holding this together with scotch tape and baling wire.

TOBY
We have an economic policy held together with scotch tape and baling
wire. FDR built the middle class in a hundred days. How many days do
we even have left?

LEO
49%. We can't start another New Deal.

TOBY
How about fighting for the old one, instead of haggling with Republicans
over how much to cut? We created nine million jobs. Now they're
disappearing. Outsourcing, downsizing, buyouts. They build T.V.'s in
Mexico for a dollar a day, on dirt floors with cardbaord
walls...

LEO
And that's our fault?

TOBY
It's on our watch, Leo. Where's our hundred days? Where's our Great
Society? Where's our New Frontier? Somebody's got to do what we came
here to do. Those jobs aren't coming back. We lose our cave every battle
we have with Congress, and we have a calendar, not a plan.

LEO
Will's going to work for the Vice President.

Toby walks away and then turns around.

TOBY
I'm asking the President not to let him.

LEO
He told Russell he could have him. It's done.

Toby enters the West Wing. Magaret exits into the portico.

LEO
You got a problem with your job?

She hands Leo a piece paper.

MARGARET
I could use one of those ergonomic chairs.

LEO
Never mind.

CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
Josh is coming up from the basement and runs into Donna.

JOSH
Hey, anything from Amy?

DONNA
I left messages for her everywhere to come see you.

JOSH
Okay.

DONNA
This isn't about the dead fish?

JOSH
Not exactly, no.

DONNA
What happened?

JOSH
I think she's been fired--she thinks so. I-I kind of unloaded on her.

DONNA
Josh...

JOSH
She'll be... ah, I don't know what she'll be.

DONNA
Find her. Forget about budget bills and poll samples and missile
launchers--go find her.

JOSH
What else have I got?

DONNA
Senator Carrick's in the Roosevelt Room.

JOSH
Chris Carrick's here? Now?

Donna shakes her head in confirmation. Josh leaves Donna and walks to
the Roosevelt Room. Before he enters, he sees Amy walking by with her
things. But he can call out to her--

CARRICK [OS]
Josh.

JOSH
Senator.

In THE ROOSEVELT ROOM, as the senator speaks, Josh and Amy stare at each
other through the door, then she walks away.

CARRICK
Well, that was quite a press coup, telling the Idaho papers about my
anonymous hold.

JOSH
What can I do for you?

CARRICK
You know what? Absolutely nothing. I've released the military promotions.
I can't defend that to the people of Idaho.

JOSH
I hope that lesson won't be lost when our new stimulus package hits the
floor.

CARRICK
Oh, I won't be.

JOSH
Good.

CARRICK
Josh, I need one last favor from you.

JOSH
What's that?

The Senator turns around and takes an envelope from his staffer also
standing in the room.

CARRICK
I've got my own letter here. I'd like you to personally deliver that to
the President.

He slides the envelope across the table to Josh.

JOSH
What's this?

CARRICK
It's my letter of resignation from the Democratic Party.

JOSH
Come again?

CARRICK
I'm running as a Republican in my next election.

JOSH
You're switching parties 'cause we won't give you a launcher that
doesn't even...

CARRICK
The launcher is a detterant. The launcher says we're serious about
perfecting missile defense, so rogue governments don't build missile
programs.

JOSH
You can't be serious...

CARRICK
Building it is more important than whether it works. We don't want it to
ever have to work.

JOSH
We can't win back the Senate without Idaho. We can't pass the tax bill,
the new stimulus package. I'll get you a meeting with Fitzwallace.
A meeting with the President.

CARRICK
I don't work for the President. I don't work for you. I work for the
people of Idaho.

JOSH
You're leaving the party be... this is 'cause of me?!

CARRICK
I'm not leaving 'cause of you. But you made it a whole lot easier.

The senator leaves Josh standing absorbing what he's just heard. Josh
walks out into the HALLWAY.

MARGARET
Josh. Leo wants you in the Mural Room.

Josh walks to THE MURAL ROOM. The door is closed. When he opens the
door, the senior staffers all yell--

ALL
Surprise! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday!

The room is decorated and they are wearing party hats and throwing
confetti.

ALL
[singing]
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Josh...

Josh, still registering a reaction from the news from Chris Carrick,
enters the room.

DISSOLVE TO: END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
* * *

The West Wing and all its characters are a property of Aaron Sorkin,
John Wells Production, Warner Brothers Television and NBC. No copyright
infringement is intended.

Episode 5.05 -- "Constituency of One"
Original Air Date: October , 2003, 9:00 PM EST

Transcibed by: The Vault